I feel the emptiness in my stomach as I watch you leave
I know you're gone and you will be gone for a long time
All I can think about is
Why did you leave?
What did I do wrong?
Hold on
We will make it
I got you
The lies of a boy who stole my heart
I'm sorry
I'm sorry for loving you
I'm sorry for making you happy
I'm sorry for telling you I love you
I'm sorry for falling in love with you
I'm sorry for the tears I cried
I'm sorry
Pieces you left my heart
Now you come back and try glue it together
Regret was I never thought of even when you left me alone
Pain was all I felt when I was alone
Happiness was there but only hiding behind the pain
SMILE....
I tell myself to smile everyday knowing that the pain is deep within
I tell myself to smile because I know that no one will care about my pain
I tell myself to smile because its not worth crying
I fell from a beautiful rose,
Then you held me within your arms,
They were warm.
As you put me down,
I didn't want to let go.
Then you were gone
And from this day
I am still falling
Nights of being unable to assuage
the mental cacophony of self-doubt
Writing morose poetry to pass the time
Until it's my own time
The viola
And thimbles and books
An overworked mother
An uncaring, drunk father
Twisted highs of euphoria to
Lugubrious lows of dysphoria
The gallows at which
Joy and Sanity were hanged
My asinine ramblings
And my despondent silence
I feel feeling
Slipping away.
Sensation
Dripping down the drain.
Lidocaine syringes flash into my mind
Numbing me
But instead of my wounds
It's me.
I lie awake, lethargic
And too tired to do anything
Or to fall asleep.
But I long to run through the fields, the forests,
The vivid swamps and beautiful marshes.
Wildflowers dancing in meadows, and
Insects—damselflies, moths, and mosquitos—
Flying like shooting stars.
I wish I could keep my room tidy
That way you'd think of me not simply rotting
When you come for my things.
You'll never know, though,
How much time I spent gazing into the dark
With not a single
thought.
Midnight light not illuminating the limbo of my room.
My prison and my paradise
No senses other than hearing the faint cacophony of crickets outdoors.
I didn't know if I had hands
A body.
Maybe I don't want to.
Maybe I never did.
And in the emptiness of here
Please think of me
Entombed in my
Melancholia,
I lie
I lie in wait
For the blossoming
Jonquils
And singing starlings
To raise me from my tomb
As my tears
Flood my crypt
I am a brief and passing thing
The piece of you I keep inside of me is tearing me apart
I feel like a doll soaked in blood and trapped in shade
We always will stay in lugubrious nihilism
That's really all we can do at this twisted point
But we can form wings of optimistic,nihilistic joys
Epicurean skies
We throw our hands from our bodies,into the air
To try to reach the skies
And dance around bleeding out
And now I lose weeks
And days
And I sit in a gunned thorn bush
Preparing to be shipped
Away by others
When you've been alone for long enough