illusion — Summary

akchiisRomantic

i dream of you at night, a ghost of your fingertips tracing my back hesitantly, as i imagine your warmth enveloping me, flowing deep into me as i melt into your embrace. i feel your face bury into the crook of my neck; red hot lust emanating through your quickened breath, one i can conjure, one that i know.

i dream of you pressing deep into me, reaching, grasping at the confines of my heart, digits lovingly knocking at the doors of my soul as you engulf me in your love, filling me up as i blossom in your arms, the gaping, wide hole in me filled in a flash; with the illusion of the same coldness gracing my palm, the faint scent of spices dancing in the air, leading me to your ghost which disintegrates into the air as i reach out and-

i wake up, to the coldness of my bedsheets, and a lingering warmth of a heart who yearns; a heart who longs for a past forgotten.

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The speaker dreams of a lover who is no longer there, and the poem moves from the dream's closeness to the loneliness of waking. In the first two stanzas, touch and warmth fill the scene: fingertips on the back, a face in the neck, quickened breath. The second stanza grows more intense, as the lover reaches into the speaker's heart and soul and fills an emptiness "in a flash." But small details give the game away. The cold in the palm and the scent of spices suggest the speaker is building this person from memory, and the title, "illusion," says as much. The ghost "disintegrates" just as the speaker reaches for it, and the sentence breaks off mid-thought.

The last stanza is short and quiet. The bedsheets are cold, yet a "lingering warmth" remains in the speaker's heart. The mood is tender, aching, and sad, with longing for a love that now exists only in dreams.

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