live to give

i give and i give and i give and i give, giving is my name, parts and pieces of my youth and yonder, i give as a gift to you. i have 2555 days of my youth to spare, but i only itch and itch and itch to inch away at myself for you, for you, only for you, not noticing the cracks and cuts and cracks and cuts in my carved out flesh; no one notices the worn torn gone-case burn out hell of a weary heart i drag around in fiery chains, searing in my soul, an iron furnace of self-giving and selfish taking. i cry and i weep and i pray and i worship, i care and i think and i anger and i worry, i love and i love and i love and i love and till this day i never learnt how to love without losing parts of myself, never asked for, never wanted, unneeded self sacrifice at the expense of my bloodied being and my broken down hollow shell of a young girl who wanted no more than to rectify the losses of a past she never deserved.

perhaps one day, as i give and i give and i give and i give once more, ill learn to finally live.