APOLOGIES — Summary

Hey there, my dearest, I have something on my mind that's been spiraling through and through for some time now.

Hey there, sweet darling, I feel this clenching in my chest; it's more than a feeling - it's a physicality in its own, soaking in the guilt, the silence, the distortions.

It's hard to speak of it, when all the attempts are being absorbed into this... void. I tried to break through for quite a while, but I guess the fright is enlarged in all its might by now.

But I was not born to bow down, I'm not alive to be enslaved to the torture and the pain. It's time I untie my tongue, time to free the mind.

Dearest, I am sorry.

I am sorry for the times I called you and the phone ringing persuaded my mind that you aren't there for me.

I'm sorry for every time a thought distracted me and lead me down the path to a labyrinth, where the only way out was imagining it is all a game to you.

I still can't live with myself, knowing how I was tempted to say goodbye to you for not measuring up to the most persistant expectancies I built up on the rockiest foundations.

Seduction lured me. Pain fuelled me. Mind tricked me. And you stood strong. Hormons unbalanced me. Moon inflicted me. Weather played me like a toy. And you stayed by my side.

I guess this apology is a serenade of them all; An apology to my make-believe prince, an apology to the arms that always held me, an apology to the past and its loving encounters. You've become a punching bag for all of them.

I do keep questioning myself, if I am good enough for you. But you hold the key to that enigma. You are the only one who can decide to throw me and all we are away, or never let me go.