she felt so lonely.
so empty.
she wanted to be happy. to laugh, smile with no worries. wich she hadn't done for years.
as she thinks about it, she only feels more emptieness,
she can't remember a time where she had no worries. she just wanted to live a simple life.
no tears.
no pain.
but she knew, well, she tought, she did not deserve that. she wanted to be so miserable that people notice it. her pain. she wanted to hurt even more and her life to be worse so she could get help. what she didn't know, was that she was already miserable enough to get help, but who can blame her when all her life she has been putting walls up so high she doesn't know how to bring them down anymore. because deep down she's scared. but oh no, she, she won't admit it.
she always thought that others have it worse, she's only overreacting. she wanted to be in more pain so she would deserve help, as for now...she thought she didn't. the pain was always there but no one, not even a single person was able to notice it, did she?
did she herself notice how she was slowly fading away?
how even she wasn't able to notice when she's really happy anymore?
how could she,
when that's what she has been feeling all her life. all by herself, hating herself, wanting to hurt more and at the same time to be perfect. because that's what everyone thought she was- perfect.
a girl with only happieness surrounding her, when in reality she didn't even know it.
of course, she laughed at her classmates jokes, blushed at sudden touches, smiled a lot..but the pain was always there.
the pain was bigger.
it was stronger.
she often tried to forget about it, but at night,
when no one can reach her,
she let's her deamons out,
she let's the pain roll down her cheeks, down to
her nose,
her lips,
her jawline
as if it would help, but as time goes by, her walls become bigger as well as the pain in her heart and her broken eyes that you never seem to see be broken.
because she's the perfect girl,
isn't she?