mr. loneliness

i stand in solidarity craving for a hand to hold for a warm touch to embrace me instead, i'm chained like an animal chained to something i hate rather than love

his dead cold stare hits the back of my neck its icy presence so harsh and frozen i hate being with him and hate this relationship his existence makes me vomit his life makes me die

at my prom i stood in the corner trying to pry myself from his grip even the few boys that asked me to dance couldn't understand why i was forced to stay they shook their heads in confusion and hurt

i watched them silently as i tried again his grip still too strong for me to release i prayed to get away in one piece i prayed to finally live without him to finally not be married to him

so sorry, boys, this man is with me until death do us part but the marriage wasn't consensual nor do i even remember the ceremony or any of the guests

i don't remember saying "i do," i don't remember the cake or even the gown i was supposedly wearing i can't remember any of it but i can't get a divorce either

i just wish i could find a guy who's grip is stronger than my husband's who could pull me away from him and change me into a happy girl to bring me away from here

then i had the guts to throw my ring to the dirt having enough of no fun i let one man pull me hard enough just hard enough to escape my husband's grip, to save me from destruction of my own mind

after years of struggling i'm free no longer am i in a failing marriage i stand proudly as my husband still looms by but no longer will i make the mistake of legally being Mrs. Loneliness