Apology. — Summary

It's been heard and I hear it over and over I'm my head, wrapping my thoughts around it like chains. I never believed you'd act like this. Sincere and selflessly. I never believed that you'd take that self and cast him away at the thought of loosing our last strand. Now everything is back to normal, but more. More depth, more things to say and feel. It's like we were reborn again, like we are blooming. You do exist. I do exist.

Everything seems so good. Everything seems so pretty. Everyone looks so calm and full.

For the first time in forever, I'm scared to die.

Show the whole poemHide the poem

Learn Poems app

Try the Learn Poems app

Everything from the website trainer, and more: new exercises, voice recording and sharing, reminders, quick review.

Someone has apologized, and the speaker can't stop hearing it. The word sits in their head "like chains," which suggests it weighs on them even as it heals. The speaker admits they never expected this kind of sincerity, a person willing to set aside their own pride, or perhaps their old self, out of fear of losing "our last strand" of connection.

What follows is a sense of renewal. Things are back to normal, but deeper, with more to say and feel. The line "You do exist. I do exist" reads like a quiet astonishment that both people are really present to each other again.

The short lines that follow, where everything seems pretty and calm, carry a soft, almost dreamlike glow. Then the ending turns it over: being this happy makes the speaker afraid to die. The mood is tender and grateful, but with a nervous edge, as if the speaker has suddenly found something they could lose.

Read also

More by Goddamnit Helen

All poems
SadGoddamnit Helen

She

She was beautuful,like the revolution. I could feel my skin getting dry,my soul coming to life when she speaked. She was absolute,all or nothing. She could make you tremble with love and respect.She loved beyond measure,she hated so little.
SadGoddamnit Helen

It's my turn to take on the world now.

And you looked so peaceful when you slept. Unbothered and untouched. Letting all the emotions of days and weeks and years fade away slowly, until what was left was just.. You. You, in your purest form. No war. No grief. Just calming, deafing silence. And how I loved to see you like this. How I'd love to have this memory encraved in my mind. If I could never forget it, I'd hold it forever behind my eyes. But my eyes never layed upon you. And every day, I forgot more about you, little by little, more and more. And still, every day it felt like I remembered you more than yesterday.
SadGoddamnit Helen

Im sorry.

Maybe I shouldnt have said "hi" maybe I shouldnt have said "how are you?".Maybe i should have never let my name escape my lips. Maybe just because im who i am,i should have never met you.Im sorry. Im sorry for all the times i tried to be there,but i failed. Im sorry for every time i told you about me,and failed you.