The speaker describes being trapped in a set of painful feelings: sadness, loneliness, confusion, and a habit of tormenting themselves. What makes the poem striking is that these feelings aren't just suffered, they're familiar. When the speaker feels anything different, they panic, like being dropped in an unknown place where they can't find the way back. So they retreat to the old, miserable state because at least they know it.
The tone is flat, honest, and resigned. There's little imagery, just plain statements, which makes the speaker sound tired and stuck. The speaker even admits that something might be good for them and still decides they don't deserve it. The last lines are the most unsettling: the speaker says they hurt themselves "instead of hurting others," as though self-punishment is a kind of duty or protection. The mood is bleak, but also quietly sad and self-aware.