The speaker raises a toast, "here's to," but what they're celebrating is something that never happened: conversations they've replayed in their head a million times and never actually had. The toast sounds a little wry, as if they're making a joke of their own loneliness because the real thing hurts too much to say plainly.
The feeling underneath is a mix of longing and frustration. Running a conversation over and over suggests there's someone the speaker badly wants to talk to, or something they badly want to say, but they can't bring themselves to do it. The closing line, "suffering in silence," names the cost. All that effort goes into a private performance with no audience.
The mood is quiet, tired, and a bit bittersweet. The casual lowercase style and the loose, spoken rhythm make it feel like a confession, something many readers will recognize from their own overthinking.