load new save point?

i often wonder if i could do it all again all of it change things i've said at the wrong time to the wrong person change things i've thought at the right time in the wrong place change who i belonged to changed who i wish i was change what i have become but if i change it then i wouldn’t have watched or read or listened to something for the first time i wouldn't have connected those dots i wouldn't have felt that way about something so detached from my reality i wouldn't have felt any of it i wouldn't have seen the first and last episode of that show and screamed at my phone when iwas fourteen i wouldn't have listened to that song and cried under my covers at sixteen i wouldn't have done anything i've done at eighteen i wouldn't be whole despite how often i feel empty