It is interesting,
the ways we learn
I learnt from my family, to be accepting, to be kind, to strive for my best, to wake up at moments notice, what to do in an emergency, how to run a dishwasher and a sink of soapy water, how to lie, how to climb trees and boulders, how to camp, what to do if you run into a mountain lion, to listen, to obey, to be polite, to be respectful, to babysit, the definition of the word courteous, to look up a word when I don’t know it, to ask questions, to marvel at the sky and the rain and the stars, how to make scrambled eggs, to be wary of strangers, to ask consent before giving hugs to kids I’d just met at the pool as we left, to hold myself to high standards, to build legos, to play Halo on the xbox, to read, to clean up after myself, that adults are people who will make mistakes, to forgive, when to bother keeping a secret, that sometimes the world is a little sexist, that I have to help myself, that I am a child, how to keep myself entertained for hours, to keep promises, to adapt, to survive when I don’t have a support system or a distraction, to accept defeat, to pretend, to imagine, to cry quietly, to be a peacekeeper, some people are set in their ways and no matter how much it hurts you have to let it go,
I learnt from my teachers and school, how to bs a thematic essay, procrastination, to love reading, how to use google powerpoint and docs, to write, how to prioritize, what work I need to complete and what I don’t, math, latin and greek roots and suffixes, how to memorize a speech or play, how to give a presentation, how to do basic research, how to look like I’m paying attention, to go to the nurses office if I need sleep, that the library is a refuge, how to formulate a persuasive essay, how to poke holes in logic, to overthink things I know the answer to, to overthink things I don’t know the answer to, to study, quizlet, how to be a delight to have in class and get good grades even when your a horrible student, how to survive on a less than 3 hours of sleep every night for months on end, to compartmentalize
I learnt from my friends, that I’m not alone, that I can be a force of chaos if I want, swear words, sex jokes, Dungeons and Dragons, loving people outside your family, a smile or a few words or simply being present can make all the difference, to always try to include a small joke of some kind in everything, the joy of a good conversation, helplessness, the fear of almost losing someone to suicide, to reach out, to calm down, what sensroy overload is, a fondness for creating eldritch horror and stewing light harmless panic
I taught myself, or learnt from strangers online, how to cope, to get lost in my head for hours and hours, that not everything is ok, that it’s hard to hope, that the world is cruel, that the world is kind, that people are greedy, that being bad does not mean other people get to inflict bad things on you, there is a very special power in music and in words and stories, caffeine and sugar is good for settling down and focusing
It is fascinating, the way we learn
And it’s bittersweet, the way that knowledge shows itself
And interesting, how the way we present that knowledge changes as we change from being caught in the depths of despair to soaring in the highs of joy
There is something very human about it
And perhaps I must be caught in the depths of despair to so desperately romanticize something so small
to take comfort in it
I do not think I’m the only one