Steam Room Soliloquy
"You weigh a hundred-twenty-four? Now me—I must be eighty more, And that's what I don't understand— My! the shower sure is grand . . . I don't eat much; my husband, he Is fussy tho'; you ought to see The steak and mushroom dish I fix, And what a cocktail HE can mix!
"He's grand; he brings the limousine To take me home—I'm so all in— 'Now Baby, don't exert yourself, The can of ham there on the shelf'— He likes the sauce I make with wine And plenty sugar—cloves—it's fine With salad; say, do you like crab? Or lobster? I put just a dab Of celery—the girls all say My food is good when bridge we play.
"These days there is so much to do; Today we lunched 'til half past two. You're going out? Well, I'll relax Awhile myself; this is a tax On one's poor nerves, this awful heat— But all these diets it can beat; The less I eat, the more I weigh God! the steam is hot today!"