and now I'm overthinking things again
but no one cares to stop me
from falling back into the deep end
and please my dear
don't come near
for what you will endure
I am not sure.
and my dear she knows pain
she knows it so well
and then you had the audacity
to ask
why she's afraid to love.
You know
You've been hurt
When you can't seem to love
Because your scared to get hurt again
You see the smile
You see the tear
But not the anger
And not the fear
The milk's been spilt
The fish has died
But yet you ask
If I'm alright
You offer me a helping hand
A shoulder here for leaning
But sadly you do not realise
That I don't really want it
To know how I truly feel
A mile has to be completed
In my size 8 flip-flops
When you have size 9 feet
You tell you self you never have to face things alone
But here you are standing, staring
Eyes glazing over
Tears falling from your eyes and face
Dirt all on your clothes and face
Running from the darkness
Each step only takes you farther back
Your heart beating faster and faster
Walls closing in
You scream but no one hears you
Chest rising faster and faster
Running toward the door
You fall and stumble
Falling and falling
Then it’s over
Please, stop.
Please, please, please, let me breath.
Stop making me feel so unsafe,
Stop, please.
I'm sorry, just stop.
Why?
Why do I live every day in fear
Why do I fear love
Why do I fear loving someone
Why do I fear getting attached to people
Why do I fear life and not death
I know why
I am numb and afraid of hurting someone
The pain I feel is not "normal" for teenagers
I don't want to be here
On this planet so many call home
I don't want to be in this house I call home
I don't want to be in this vessel I call a body
I just don't
I miss them
I miss them all
The air around me stopped moving
The breeze of the wind halted and
The hair from my back stood.
Like barometer sense wave coming from far
I could sense the atmosphere getting thicker.
My heart beating is suddenly getting fast.
The ground beneath me is shaking. I know this feeling
That particular person entered the room, didn't he?
He is standing now behind me. Isn't he?
Once when the snow of the year was beginning to fall,
We stopped by a mountain pasture to say, ‘Whose colt?’
A little Morgan had one forefoot on the wall,
The other curled at his breast. He dipped his head
And snorted at us. And then he had to bolt.
We heard the miniature thunder where he fled,
And we saw him, or thought we saw him, dim and grey,
Like a shadow against the curtain of falling flakes.
‘I think the little fellow’s afraid of the snow.
He isn’t winter-broken. It isn’t play
With the little fellow at all. He’s running away.
I doubt if even his mother could tell him, “Sakes,
It’s only weather.” He’d think she didn’t know!
Where is his mother? He can’t be out alone.’
When the wind works against us in the dark,
And pelts with snow
The lower chamber window on the east,
And whispers with a sort of stifled bark,
The beast,
‘Come out! Come out!’--
It costs no inward struggle not to go,
Ah, no!
I count our strength,
Two and a child,
Those of us not asleep subdued to mark
How the cold creeps as the fire dies at length,--
How drifts are piled,
Dooryard and road ungraded,
Till even the comforting barn grows far away,
And my heart owns a doubt
It went many years,
But at last came a knock,
And I thought of the door
With no lock to lock.
I blew out the light,
I tip-toed the floor,
And raised both hands
In prayer to the door.
But the knock came again.
My window was wide;
I climbed on the sill
And descended outside.
Back over the sill
I bade a ‘Come in’
To whatever the knock
At the door may have been.