Why do I feel so numb and distant?
Why does no one notice or care?
Why? Am I a burden to you all.
Just don't turn to me when I'm the only one you have to call
A pretty girl tried to kiss me on New Years Eve,
I recoiled in pain and disgust,
my smile she did misperceive,
as an invite for spontaneous lust.
She told herself I must be taken,
or gay or something like that,
she couldn’t have been more mistaken,
I just don’t engage in emotional chit-chat.
My deadness is easy to sense and see,
there must be someone who can wake what’s inside,
my world is full of chaff and debris,
until they appear I will live as if I have died.
Why?
Why do I live every day in fear
Why do I fear love
Why do I fear loving someone
Why do I fear getting attached to people
Why do I fear life and not death
I know why
I am numb and afraid of hurting someone
The pain I feel is not "normal" for teenagers
I don't want to be here
On this planet so many call home
I don't want to be in this house I call home
I don't want to be in this vessel I call a body
I just don't
I miss them
I miss them all
Every time I think
Of my old home,
My old life
All I ever want
Is for someone to love me
I don't mean to sound desperate
I don't mean to sound stupid
But I really wish
That I had someone to love me
I miss him
I miss him all the time
Every time I listen to that song on the radio
Every time I look at that necklace he gave me
I hate to say it
But my best friend is dead
His name was Jaylen
the tumbling of the washer
Is the only sound I can focus on
I'm watching my clothes spin
and spin and spin
My servants all watched me
I can feel their empty stares
But I don't care
I just need a distraction
From the chasm inside of me
The more I stay alone the less I feel lonely
Maybe one day
Somebody will look at me
Like I am the sun that their world revolves around.
But until then,
I will remain as cool
And as distant as the moon.
I know it's lonely in the darkness,
Though I doubt anyone has told you
You are the moon
Maybe it's okay...
For certain things to never come back
For the first time ever in my life
I just realized that I don't have a best friend
There's not a single person in this entire world
Whom I could share my problems with
I thought I had those kind of friends
The ones who won't judge me for who I am
The ones who understand every single thing going on in my life
But I was wrong
Because those were the first of the people who made my belief in the "best friends forever" thing to fade away...
And I feel like gradually, bit by bit, part by part, I am fading too
Into the dust, where no one would recognize me anymore, not even me. . .
All out of doors looked darkly in at him
Through the thin frost, almost in separate stars,
That gathers on the pane in empty rooms.
What kept his eyes from giving back the gaze
Was the lamp tilted near them in his hand.
What kept him from remembering the need
That brought him to that creaking room was age.
He stood with barrels round him--at a loss.
And having scared the cellar under him
In clomping there, he scared it once again
In clomping off;--and scared the outer night,
Which has its sounds, familiar, like the roar
Of trees and crack of branches, common things,
But nothing so like beating on a box.
A light he was to no one but himself
Where now he sat, concerned with he knew what,
I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain--and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.