Sunday- the day when you can be
Yourself- and not let be ruled –
A day to do what you wish to do
And not what others want you to do.
Sunday – the day one could read
Even the most insignificant ad
A day you need brush your teeth
Only when you want to eat.
I have a little duster, of soft
Synthetic bristles – to dust
The books, tables or the shelves
And an old torn shirt to swipe them clean.
There’s something about cleaning,
Dusting, tidying up and swiping.
A fleck of dust, a blotch of stain,
A crack that weren’t there before.
Pause awhile, butterfly,
Alight here, on this wilting Rose.
Young flowers, I know, are beckoning you,
But stay with me, just for a while
And leave me with memories fresh.
There! Now you poise, ready to take to wings
You flutter – and a petal
Falls.
The time is nearing to leave.
File – save as – give a name
And it becomes a part
Of my documents
Hidden behind a password
Which I only know.
In the recesses of my hard disks
C:\ My documents\ Kottayam, or-
Some other name that I decline
To tell you.
Later, in a lonely night
I will access the file
And glance through it
At random.
This flower, that face
This light that flicker in the darkness
You can feel it with your tongue-
The more you feel it
The deeper it delves
Into the crevasses of your teeth
Entrenched, stuck
It becomes part
Of your molars or wisdom.
The surreptitious search
for a toothpick -
even a matchstick to ease
the discomfort -
to poke
to probe
to dig
to dislodge
to divest, finally
Trusting of your protection,
Trusting of your care,
There to look after me,
When my parents are away,
There to make sure I’m safe,
Make sure I eat,
Make sure I do my homework,
Make sure I sleep,
My friend,
My guardian,
My neighbor,
My babysitter,
Silence then fills the room,
A bitter cold enters,
Darkness rapidly pervades,
About to lose my innocence,
Water fills my eyes,
As I know it’s not to be,
That I can do better,
That this is best for me,
Your flaws spring to mind,
Of what I didn’t care for,
Distorting my image of you,
Denying my true feelings,
The self-persuasion fails,
As tears begin to run down my cheeks,
Knowing it’s best to part ways,
Yet wishing that wasn’t to be,
The distorted image unravels,
As I dream of you at night,
Good memories abound,
As I again begin to cry,
So distant a memory,
The images are blurred,
Events discontinuous,
Details forgotten,
Time has lapsed in such great quantity,
It shall be like a first once again,
Quivering at the very thought,
Yet desirous for it to happen,
To feel her lips upon mine,
Feel her warm breath,
Wake up to her smile,
Feel my heart pound in her presence,
To trust her with my thoughts,
Trust her with my secrets,
Trust her with my heart,
Trust her with my feelings,
Not a day goes by when I don't remember you
I remember when I was younger
I questioned your scars
I didn't know much
But I knew at one point they must have hurt
I remember when you were Santa,
And I told everyone you weren't really him
I caused so much trouble - and they all cried
But you still took me in your arms
As If I'd done nothing wrong
I remember you teaching me to kick a football
You were the only one who could.
And the stories of the different footballers,
You had said you helped with their sore muscles.
I remember When I was losing on of my first teeth
You showed me how it could wiggle
Alone, I walk fields and woods we loved
Seeing you with every step
Hearing your laughter
Smelling you sweet as a flower
Keep you safe within my heart.
Years slipped bye so fast
Old age slowing down my pace
Hair white as snow
Thoughts focused upon
Memories we shared
And I keep you safe within my heart.
so many things left unsaid.
so many words left unspoken.
your voice plays on repeat in my head,
but somehow i fear i'm forgetting you.
forgetting your voice,
your smile,
your presence.
until someone says "remember when"
and there i am.
9 years old dancing with you in the kitchen.
with no clue what my life would become,
and how disappointed you would be.
the only thing i knew was you chose to be there with me.
so many words were said,
but never the right ones.
never the ones that needed to be said.
i was pulled away from you
left as a ghost desperately grasping onto what was left of my existence
the earth slowly floated away
but I shall stay holding you
for neither life nor death could ever make me forget
the nights spent kissing stars
watching as you quickly forget
no longer saving my memory
I fade away
because I was only you
with you I am nothingness
I do not exist
but I am still here
for as long as I have you
I will never go away
I could never leave you
I sat on the hard wood above the
lapping waves below me
an ashy cig in the corner of
my pink lips
the dust off my youth falling
from the tip and into the world
each breath slashing a whip against my bruised back
the memories of you float on
rotten debris in the water
drowning every smile
every laugh and yell
I flick the cigarette into the sea
watching your ashes dissipate in the water
and only time will tell
if they will wash back ashore
but in the meantime