Trusting of your protection,
Trusting of your care,
There to look after me,
When my parents are away,
There to make sure I’m safe,
Make sure I eat,
Make sure I do my homework,
Make sure I sleep,
My friend,
My guardian,
My neighbor,
My babysitter,
Silence then fills the room,
A bitter cold enters,
Darkness rapidly pervades,
About to lose my innocence,
Water fills my eyes,
As I know it’s not to be,
That I can do better,
That this is best for me,
Your flaws spring to mind,
Of what I didn’t care for,
Distorting my image of you,
Denying my true feelings,
The self-persuasion fails,
As tears begin to run down my cheeks,
Knowing it’s best to part ways,
Yet wishing that wasn’t to be,
The distorted image unravels,
As I dream of you at night,
Good memories abound,
As I again begin to cry,
So distant a memory,
The images are blurred,
Events discontinuous,
Details forgotten,
Time has lapsed in such great quantity,
It shall be like a first once again,
Quivering at the very thought,
Yet desirous for it to happen,
To feel her lips upon mine,
Feel her warm breath,
Wake up to her smile,
Feel my heart pound in her presence,
To trust her with my thoughts,
Trust her with my secrets,
Trust her with my heart,
Trust her with my feelings,
Not a day goes by when I don't remember you
I remember when I was younger
I questioned your scars
I didn't know much
But I knew at one point they must have hurt
I remember when you were Santa,
And I told everyone you weren't really him
I caused so much trouble - and they all cried
But you still took me in your arms
As If I'd done nothing wrong
I remember you teaching me to kick a football
You were the only one who could.
And the stories of the different footballers,
You had said you helped with their sore muscles.
I remember When I was losing on of my first teeth
You showed me how it could wiggle
Alone, I walk fields and woods we loved
Seeing you with every step
Hearing your laughter
Smelling you sweet as a flower
Keep you safe within my heart.
Years slipped bye so fast
Old age slowing down my pace
Hair white as snow
Thoughts focused upon
Memories we shared
And I keep you safe within my heart.
so many things left unsaid.
so many words left unspoken.
your voice plays on repeat in my head,
but somehow i fear i'm forgetting you.
forgetting your voice,
your smile,
your presence.
until someone says "remember when"
and there i am.
9 years old dancing with you in the kitchen.
with no clue what my life would become,
and how disappointed you would be.
the only thing i knew was you chose to be there with me.
so many words were said,
but never the right ones.
never the ones that needed to be said.
i was pulled away from you
left as a ghost desperately grasping onto what was left of my existence
the earth slowly floated away
but I shall stay holding you
for neither life nor death could ever make me forget
the nights spent kissing stars
watching as you quickly forget
no longer saving my memory
I fade away
because I was only you
with you I am nothingness
I do not exist
but I am still here
for as long as I have you
I will never go away
I could never leave you
I sat on the hard wood above the
lapping waves below me
an ashy cig in the corner of
my pink lips
the dust off my youth falling
from the tip and into the world
each breath slashing a whip against my bruised back
the memories of you float on
rotten debris in the water
drowning every smile
every laugh and yell
I flick the cigarette into the sea
watching your ashes dissipate in the water
and only time will tell
if they will wash back ashore
but in the meantime
Even though sometimes,
while we sleep,
Car tires sizzle over wet streets
And the rain washes the day away from the pavements,
The heart still wants to be an amnesiac.
Perhaps
I don't deserve
Nice things
Cause I'm paying
For the sins I don't
Remember
l looked at a picture of us
You had the most breathtaking smile
What happened to the little girl
that dreamed the impossible
That would hide behind mum
when she was shy
You don't smile much anymore
and the things that do make you smile
aren't who you really are
I miss that little girl
that believed in herself
that thought she could do anything
l'm sorry that I couldn't protect you
From a world that broke your heart
I just want to see you
smile like you used to
My love my love, my pain.
I stopped smiling since you're gone.
I sometimes pretend your arms are still around me. I sometimes pretend your hand is still in mine.
My love my love, my pain.
Do you ever pretend?
I wish we were back in your basement where nights never seemed to end.
I remember the feeling of your hand on my waist. I remember the sound of your heartbeat when we danced.
I remember softly placing my head on your chest.
My love my love, my pain.
Do you remember? When we kissed in silence surrounded by trees.
When we kissed underneath the starry skies. My love my love, my pain.
I miss your golden eyes