sitting alone in my bed, the fan blowing against my skin,
i remember
the rush of your breath
the pitter-patter of your heart
the soft silk of our shared blanket
but now its thread traces the ground, muddy and frayed,
as i brush through the wind
into the freezing river.
I hadn't thought of you in weeks ,
maybe days. . .
Sometimes I forget , that I make myself forget about you
Until one day , you changed .
but everything stayed the same .
she brought you up today .
I don't think they knew
I was keeping a tally in my head .
counting how many days it would take to forget you .
or how long it would take for the ache in my heart to go away
so here I am ,
tears running down my face ,
reminding myself
you don't love me,
& what she said can't be true
because I thought I had just forgot about you .
sometimes i wish I could erase our memories ,
other times I think they're the only reason why I'm still here
you used to make me wanna live , now you make me wanna die
because without you I could never feel alive
in my mind I wish I could forget
in my heart the memories are all I have left
I remember all the silence in presence
I remember the scene, i never like the closure
I remember your eyes of insults ignored
I remember the abstract of cruelty
I remember when the missed speaks
I remember the irreplaceable victimize
I remember the dried commitments
I remember the aesthetic shadows
I remember love turns to dust
I remember when the skies cry
I remember the salt air
I remember your whispers that haunts me
I remember he is lost in the memory
I remember youre not mine like a wine
I remember back in December of colds
I remember in November of ghosts
I forgot the feeling of happiness.
I forgot what joy feels like.
I forgot the image of true smiles
I forgot how to be me.
One day I was walking
And I discovered an abandoned house
It was an old house, to be sure,
Rotten and strewn about.
Inside this house there were pictures
Of those who inhabited it before
People of all ages
Their lives centered around this old eyesore.
From what I can tell, they were poor
But strangely enough
It seemed like they were happy
Despite it being so tough.
A makeshift swing hung in the yard
Worn from constant use
Despite years of exposure
Not a single string was loose
Outside my house there is a hill
That I would often climb
And on this hill, throughout my life
I would find different ways to spend my time.
When I was young, it was for the adventure
For who didn't like a little fun
And I was a warrior, tried and true
There was never a battle I hadn't won.
As I got older, it was more to see the view
And sit in quiet contemplation
Or perhaps write a poem or paint
As it did give me inspiration.
But now I am truly old,
And I can barely climb this hill.
Sometimes it feels like it's not worth it;
Each time I try, I'm met with a chill.
Do you know this feeling?
This feeling of sadness
Sadness when you have to leave
Leave this beautiful island
This beautiful island you fell in love with
But it's not the part that you have to leave
That's not the most hurtful part
No, the saddest part is the knowledge
The knowledge that soon this island will be a memory
A memory that starts to fade
That starts being replaced by other memories
Other memories of other places
I forgot that I loved you,
I forgot every time I wanted you,
Every memory I had with you.
I also forgot how to be honest,
I still lie,
I can never forget you, ny vivid dream.
But for you, I am a fading memory.
I am afraid to forget that I love you
Afraid to forget that I need you
That I had you.
Afraid to forget the sound of your laugh,
To forget your scent,
Your touch
And, that I had such love.
As I pass through that passage alone.
I remember the first time we met there.
In that same spot.
Not much has changed since then...
The same blooming bushes.
The same rusty lamppost.
The same black dog sleeping on his side, with a dead leaf in his mouth.
Everything is here at the same spot.
While you are not.
Were we friends? More than friends?
I never questioned until you left.
What's the definition of best friend?
Make me understand.
I need you to talk to me like we used to.
Am I going overboard?
I don't know if your lover thinks of you
but I miss you like crazy.
I thought my memories were long gone.
I felt stupid for that.
Never did I know, they were hidden
All deep down inside me.
I envy everyone with their best friends
Are they all the same like us?
Were you true to me? I got trust issues.
None were real. Did you ?