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Dave Bonta
I am going without speaking
the doors to the park sing old
broken notes
you're all I could ever ask for
but you only ask for her
I have shattered
I loved someone and wished for them to love me
I am broken because that person said no to me
I am torn for this person may never love me
I am broken
Loving you and knowing, you won’t, hurts
Crying deep within, but a broad smile on the face, hurts
Not being a part of the special day, hurts
Wishing for your happiness, at the cost of my tears, hurts
Looking into the wall to find you with the others, hurts
More than a decade, but breaking heart in 10 seconds, hurts
Realization of not being a part of your life, hurts
Not able to share the feelings, hurts
You being like others, who left, hurts
You not choosing me, hurts
Moreover, it hurts that these things are not even half of what the mind feels!
Jilt, spurn, thwart or ditch
A tilt, a twist, a sense of falling overboard
A sense of the world turning upside down
A sense of hanging on a tree like a bat.
Stunned – a sense of impact
As if hit full on the face
Shattered- and you hear the crashing glass
The blast of the blowtorch – devastated.
In the lonely evenings all you can do
Is to bend down and look bewildered
At your world lying in smithereens
And listen to the silent screams
Of your heart.
Amazing to a friend,
Intelligent to another,
Cute to a stranger,
Strong to my father,
Attractive to an acquaintance,
Funny to an ex,
Talented to a friend of a friend,
Sweet to my aunt,
Kind-hearted,
Good-looking,
Thoughtful,
Hard-working,
The compliments come in bunches,
From those near and far,
Asking how it is I'm single,
Wanting to set me up with their daughter,
My palms feeling sweaty,
An escalating heat fills the room,
Heart palpitations increasing,
Not knowing what I should do,
My pulse starts to race,
Mouth agape from which no words emanate,
Foot twitches rapidly,
Stuttering when I begin to speak,
Paranoid of her discomfort,
Fearful that it’s too soon,
Worried about rejection,
Not knowing what I should do,
Wishing for a magical connection,
A mutual telepathic moment,
As our heads turn toward one another,
And our lips simultaneously converge,
Is it my face?
Does she cringe when I’m near?
Is it my voice?
A sound she can’t stand to hear?
Is it my humor?
Do my jokes offend?
Is it my body?
Lacking the muscles?
Am I too nice?
Thoughts of my not being genuine?
Am I too honest?
Not ready to hear my thoughts and feelings?
Do I make her feel ashamed?
Do I make her feel inadequate?
Do I make her feel pain?
Do I make her feel stressed?
it's hard being around you
when I know
I'll never be the one for you.
I'm crying right now. Why?
Maybe it's because I have feelings,
Like everyone of you, I'm human.
But some people seem to forget that sometimes
Everyone just keeps on using me and throwing me away once they're done.
Have you ever felt that way too?
Maybe I'm the only weird one here, Maybe.
But really..
I'm Ok
You've told me once,
You've told me twice,
Others joined In and I allowed it.
You said no one would love me,
I'm on the lowest side of the scale
I act like it doesn't bother me but sometimes it does,
I still can't be as strong.
Only the 1's would want me, you said,
The highest the 7's.
I don't really care what you say,
though it does hurt that my only 10 has went to you,
But who doesn't, right?
You're what most kids want.
I am not a catamaran.
I am not a peach.
It does not therefore follow
That I am out of reach.
In answer to your question
Posed so long ago,
I can definitely say Maybe,
Tentatively No.