Your hand held mine,
and as much as i tried not to cry,
i still did.
I still did because i couldn't hold the knot in my throat anymore,
because your face reminded me,
that i'll be gone and you alone,
and because i knew that i wouldn't be able to sleep ever again, anymore.
I wouldnt be able to feel the suns heat, the snows freezing cold or the salty, sandy sea
ever again, anymore.
I wouldnt be able to smell your flowery perfume, to see your reassuring smile nor to fall into your welcoming warm arms,
ever again, anymore.
The beeping of the healing machines faded slowly,
as pain cleared off,
and peace came up,
as a once cold, white room,
darkened into empty black Oblivion.
I wish I could travel the world,
See famous cities,
Climb mountains,
Paddle rivers,
Hike in forests,
Explore tide pools,
Swim in the sea,
But.....
I'm all dressed up and nowhere to go.
Wasnt she my sea of thoughts and wasnt she in my mind?
Wasnt she the rebellion herself that not a fracture of myself could find peace?
Oh wasnt her eye a sea I'd drown with just a glance and wasnt her words the bullets I wanted to shoot myself with.
Wasnt she pretty like the devil and worst than God.
What kind of feeling was that?
Fernweh.
The only clear emotion I felt each time she spoke.The feeling to run away,to be born again.
Wasnt she a moment of victory in my mind when she laughed,or was she really how the war in me started?
Was she my peace or was she the revolution that teared me apart?
Was she the one i could call myself?
If you lived in the depth of the sea
would you seek the earth's ground
If you flow in sky
would you dream of the sea
If you sleep in the ground
would you miss the sky?
It is hard to get up in the morning
Without you
But I just get used to it
It is hard to peel my eyes when I blink
Knowing you're not here
But it is easy to pretend
You're here in this dead end
Where deep seas separate us
And our eyes blinded with dust
It is easy to pretend
We are one together
Which makes me feel better
And I know that this isn't the end
I started to get over it
It is just a slit
In my heart
What strikes us
is the stillness.
It’s a common place:
“above us only sky.”
The beach just keeps on going:
the sand shows the traces
of a kid who scribbled “Poo!”
inside playful speech balloons
again, and again, and again.
You have to stand there
to understand.
The men are stilll
with their feet buried,
they can’t smell but
in the distance lookalikes
copy them with tripods and lenses
Giving, I think the poet meant,
without expecting anything.
Not even a response.
A line would be enough.
Like an emergency measure.
Throwing a message
(you know: in a bottle).
How quiet, sometimes, the sea.
The questions
The answers
Spread across the sea
A jigsaw
A puzzle
More than one missing piece
His jokes
His laugh
But what about her everything
What about them
She knew above the knees
Little time
Little subjects
Many insecurities
Impure
Fake
She stood at the edge
And stared at the sea
It called her name
It said "join me"
"No one here can hurt you
or break your heart
They can't take your hopes and dreams
And rip them apart"
How tempting it was
To jump off the edge
To join the calming sea
And come to an end
Then she thought of the boy
With striking blue eyes
Covered by a fringe
Black as the night
The sun is shining bright
Oh, it is so shiny
The sea flows a lot
I think it's gonna drown me
I know a place
to hide away
From clutter and hustle bustle
Where seashells, corals
and sandcastles
The ember dies and hammock
sway
Giggling shyly
under the velvet sky
Across the horizon
the seagulls fly
Away from mundane task
and trouble
How sweet it is
to find a place
Where the splash
Disappearing
into the dead
Listening
For a beat
To tell me
There's still life
Somewhere within
This sea
Of broken hearts
And skin covered bones