shouting into an abyss
with no answers
no echos
every sound is swallowed
by this silent vacuum of time
i can't even hear my own voice
yet i still try to make contact
with someone
with something
she's been hiding under an umbrella
a real life caim, her sanctuary
but the rain still could've drop on her face
she should've known her past doesn't need her
the way she thinks it does
sleepless nights should repay bright days
with no nightmares attached
the way she thinks life is boring
just like a black satin she slept in
and the white cigarette she smoked
she was just colorblind
stars were fading
when her smile died
but her eyes always shine
because of the brightness of her ocean
she dives in
I may seem quiet.
I may seem weak.
I may seem selfish.
I may seem one way or another,
But darling, you haven't walked my path.
On the outside, you see a wall.
It is the perfect illusion of peace,
Of happiness and normalcy.
What you don't know won't kill you.
But darling, I'm a mess.
Listen to the words I say;
What you hear may surprise you.
But then, to understand,
You must know how to listen.
Just when you think you understand,
The story changes.
Standing here, looking,
watching, waiting, staring,
at my reflection.
What have I done?
It's as though I'm seeing my eyes
as a stranger does...
They're cold, dead, dark, somber.
What have I done?
The mark I made sits heavy,
heavy on my heart
It's ironic actually.
What I have done.
It's made me feel again.
It's made me see again.
I am so like me again.
What I have done.
I clawed myself apart tonight,
As if from the inside out.
Every mark I made upon myself
Was liberation from my demons.
My heart shattered,
My mind screamed,
But there was nothing I could do.
I could not save myself from my own hands,
Could not save myself from my own thoughts,
Could not save myself from my own demons.
My demons...
The invisible demons that hide inside my skull
And only come out when I vulnerable.
My weakness is myself.
My cause of death is my own mind.
My body is a danger to my soul.
There's still food on her plate
She hasn't eaten in days
Her eyes are tired
She hasn't slept in weeks
Her arms are covered
She hasn't shown them for months
Her body is cold
She's been dead for years
I am lost
Floundering in uncharted waters
Or perhaps they have been charted;
I know I've been here before
Watching someone else's lips form
The exact same words.
I know what I've done wrong.
I know I have yet to fix it.
But what I don't know
Is how.
How do I fix this broken
Head of mine,
This broken soul of mine,
This broken mind of mine.
We're made of glass
We can shatter
Don't touch us; we'll break
So fragile
Some already spider webbed
Some already in pieces
We can be put back together
But we can never be fixed
We'll never be the same
Fragile... but strong
Do you feel me
When I enter the room?
I do.
Do you hear my voice
When I'm far away?
I do.
Do you look for me
When Nobody's watching?
I do.
And it's the worst to know
You're not at all.
This time has been my happiest
Because you showed me
How beautiful love is.
This time has been my worst
Because you showed me
How much love can hurt.
I thought you're right.
I thought you're kind.
I thought you will never lie.
I thought you won't make me cry.
I know you're not mine.
I know you're feeling fine.
I know that you know what I do.
Except the fact
That I still love you.
Waiting all day long to see you.
To hear your voice.
To touch your skin.
But what are you doing?
Staying with her
Like she's your best friend.
I thought,
I have been.