Conversations permeate
Throughout the busy area.
Who the voices are,
What they could be saying...
It's all unknown to me.
Fingers point at another building.
Viewed from a distance,
It looks like a cabin
That often goes unnoticed
By those who can hope.
To those who can't, it looks like a classroom.
They only see one difference.
No one appears to be learning.
Instead, they wait for nothing,
For they have nothing to study.
I could be one of them,
I went over the list again and again,
on the long drive out to the home
I’d left such a short time ago.
I rehearsed my performance,
illusory strength I knew I’d need,
for this one last meeting, this
necessary gathering over some
physical property. I entered
not wanting to stay a moment longer
than necessary, not wanting any debate,
any negotiation, any volatile atmosphere
our sparking emotions could ignite.
Just take what I had to have, reveal nothing,
draw my lips tight, not engage, all said
and no reason to say any of it again.
This mask, that book, the small TV.
Tell me about my mother,
because I have to come to terms with her.
I must.
I see her life in my face
and her ghost in my eyes
everytime I stand in front of the mirror to shave.
Tell me everything,
just do not tell me that there is no reason.
I can't walk away,
When I can't even stand.
You said you'd help me up,
But you took away your hand.
I'm falling down,
Slower than quicksand.
You were my only stability.
I fell back to the land.
I understand how much of a gentleman
You are being.
I admire that.
You're not like other guys,
Complimenting me on my body,
And saying things like "hot".
I don't want to be flattered by
Such vulgar comments.
But how can someone love me?
I am a nobody.
I am the lonely girl.
I made a promise.
A promise not to hurt,
To keep a smile on my face.
I never smiled even before I met you.
What makes you think I would change,
Just for you.
I made a promise,
To not hurt myself,
But what promise goes unbroken?
The lonely girl,
Who lives for video games and anime,
Always sits alone.
The popular boy,
Lives for sports and girls.
Why is the boy,
Even trying to talk to the girl?
Calling her at around midnight,
Texting her silly things,
Like "I LOVE SALAD!"
Is he mocking her?
Making fun at her loneliness?
Or is he trying to,
Somehow brake her social barrier?
The girl sits alone,
Crying out in pain.
But no one can hear her,
While she's surrounded by her demons.
Why won't someone
Break through the sound barrier?
She's sitting in agony,
But no one will save her.
After all,
How can you save someone,
From their inner demons?
I can feel those fingers,
Long and bony.
This is just my imagination.
I'm still lonely.
I can feel the madness
Of being alone.
My voice inside
Is losing every tone.
She said she was okay.
And you believe her?
Let me tell you.
What's wrong with her.
She's tired.
This exactly what she is.
She's tired of getting hurt.
Tired of being let down.
She's tired of all lies.
She's tired of her flaws and insecurities.
She's tired.
And she is me.
I want to take off my mask,
Show my face,
Tell you,
I am here,
The one that you are talking now,
Is here.
But,
I can't,
I'm afraid,
I'm gonna lose you with this lie,
You gonna be disappointed,
The person who leave you,
Is the person who chat with you,
Every single day,
To make you speak,
That feelings,
I feel my own sadness,
I cry alone,
I wipe my own tears,
I make myself happy,
I go through everything all by myself,
Don't you dare to help me,
If you can't.