you know
i was hurting
yet you still
treat me
like i'm not worth things.
so here i am
healing
by myself
and no one helping.
Dear Nobody,
That is what I know you as.
You are a Nobody,
Just like me.
You are told you are ugly,
Just like me.
Dear Nobody,
You grow sadder and sadder.
Every day you stay,
Your life turns grey.
Feelings go away.
You are numb.
Dear Nobody.
Today I found your note.
Saying that you overdosed.
Saying you were nobody.
Pain
having so much to lose
and so little to gain
Caring for her so deeply
And it being in vain
Peace
someone unconditionally caring for you
Who's feelings and dedication never cease
One who gives everything to make you happy
And on that free buffet of his kindness you feast
Torture
Seeing your love with another man
When you're the one for her
Hearing her laugh and seeing her smile
While your eyes water and blur
Joy
Dear would be daughter,
You may never have met me before and maybe never will
But I'm your would be father
And have a whole life to share with you still
I'd be the one to teach you life's lessons
like stay away from boys
I'd comfort and protect you
And fix all your broken toys
I'd light up with your laughter
And fight away all your fears
I'd proudly watch you grow
And wipe away all your tears
Dear would be daughter,
You may not remember me but I always remember you
And though you were never born
I see you growing too
I've tried everything to move on since you first broke my heart
From counseling and church
To poetry and art.
Yet still nothing is working no matter how hard I search
For memories like chains bind my soul
And I cannot break free
Without cutting off my hand,
Without forgetting you and me.
I've tried ignoring the chains of the past
And though this seemed to ease my pain
The illusions of freedom would not last
For when you finally came back with a ring of keys
You unlocked my sorrow once again
And left me still chained and on my knees.
Now you've left me once more in this dungeon of depression
And my only escape is through the art of suppression
I feel pain,trapped;
Somewhere,.....I can't breathe;
I want to move, run, talk, hide;
But no ones here for me;
No ones here.....for me.
I wonder when I will enter the dark and find where I belong.
And wonder if I'll find my lover waiting for me.
"I'm here come to me my love, you've been lost for too long."
If only.
oh how they hurt.
yet are just so lovely.
they were so beautiful for a long period of time,
and i will hold onto them forever.
to look back at the good moments we had.
all the kisses we shared.
we were just kids on a bus, who were soon falling for each other without even noticing.
"my inner thoughts."
they were darkened.
placed in depression.
although it was my first love,
it made me want to end it all.
just like that.
yet you were so happy,
and i was so sappy.
my broken heart was my company.
it was all i had left,
and you knew it.
because you told me you still loved me.
but when you said it,
i said no.
seeing your face pained me.
it hurt everyday.
seeing you happy with another girl,
made me sick.
the sad part was that you still tried
to make things work with me.
that was the most painful memory.
i told you i would wait,
but that was self-torture.
and i couldn't bare it.
you'll never know my inner thoughts from then on.
"kyleigh"
that was her name.
the girl who captured your heart,
and i didn't know.
the girl who loved you as i did,
which to this day brings tears
to my eyes.
she took you away from me,
i was like an orphan.
abandoned,
and alone.
from that moment forward,
things were going smoothly.
it was like a fairytale.
you treated me like a princess,
and you were my prince.
to me it was magical.
but little did i know how wicked things would turn out.
not every fairytale end beautifully.
"i love you."
those were the three strongest words that left my mouth, and made its way to you.
it took a while for me to say it, but i was finally brave enough to spit it out
till you made those words,
the most regrettable.