"Wrists are for bracelets, not cuts"
Well these are like bracelets that I've received over the years
Ones I got from my brothers for Christmas,
The ones I got from distant family members for my birthday.
Ugly bracelets that are a part of ugly me.
I can't hide these bracelets though,
They're visible for everyone to see.
Growing up
I had huge goals
To have tons of money
Bowls and bowls
Later in life
My goals started to decease
Just like all the happiness
Inside of me.
I started to give up
Stopped trying sadly
Started to believe
My life would end badly
And as the years go on
There's more tears in the seams
I have nothing more than
99 cent dreams
Everyday
Im afraid
That everyone will leave me.
I know I'm not the nicest
Prettiest
Smartest
But I love my friends.
I don't want pity
I'm fine by myself
I just like company
I don't want to be a charity case
I don't want you to think I'm a sorry face
But everyday I worry
That you'll leave me
Sad and sorry.
Have you ever had an urge
To do something
You know is bad
But you do it anyways?
It's like cutting your hair
Kissing a boy
Eating a cookie
Breaking a toy.
Or her falling for you
After everyone told her not to.
Of course the girl in love never listens
Now she's in her room and her cheeks glisten.
But at least she was happy
For the time you played her
Now she's drinking away the pain
"I love you" she slurs.
I never realised
The smirk you had
When you were with me
I never realised
That little dimple
On your cheek
I never realised
How your eyes turned from blue to grey
When you were sad
I never realised
That only happened when you were with me.
I never realised
I caused you so much
Pain
I never realised
How bad you've gotten.
Why do you look so sad my darling?
Does the light not shine where you are?
I'll bring you a light
And make things alright.
Why do you cry my darling?
Do the fans not listen anymore?
I'll bring you tissues to wipe your eyes
I'll comfort you and question why.
Why do you hurt yourself my darling?
Does nobody believe you anymore?
I'll bring band aids to put on your wrists
And I'll give you love like I always did.
Why did you leave me my darling?
Did the lies become to much?
I gave you love and I told them to stop
But I guess that wasn't enough.
I wanted to be an artist
I drew everywhere
I felt alive.
By age 8
I wanted to dance
So I danced
I felt great.
Once I turned 10
I wanted to act
So I lied a lot
But I changed yet again.
When I was 13
I wanted to be known
I talked to everyone
But no one called my phone.
At 16
oh, she was just an only child
with no friends
and parents who were never home.
and she cared way too much
about boys who didn't care for her.
she didn't take risks much
because she was afraid of getting hurt.
and while all these are tragedies;
she gave everything
and received nothing;
isn't that the biggest tragedy of all?
you see a girl
and you wonder
why she has cuts on her wrist.
you see a boy
and you wonder
why he has bags under his eyes.
you see me
and you just can't help but wonder
why I have bruises all around my body.
and I see humans
but I don't see
humanity
Seeing you stand there alone
Makes me wish I would have told you.
About everything I've ever
Thought About you.
How I loved your dimple.
How I loved your eyes,
Your laugh,
Smile
How you seemed so carefree.
Maybe then she wouldn't be walking
Down the aisle
And it would be me.
You wanna know what's love
That morning text saying good morning
Just to see if you're still breathing
Or if you're alive and well and can make it to dinner in the evening
Roles reversed those same people will forget about you
Eating dinner without you
Never even sending a text, cause they busy
Asking why aren't you
They forget, open your text and close the phone
You thinking about double texting but nope let me just leave it alone
Come to find out the next morning they're not answering the phone
Maybe I should've sent another text
Because now I'm reading on the news, how you're dead and gone
It was the morning after
the night we were forced to say good-bye
you and your kind, too, are neighbours
often walking the road home
on weekday evenings after work.
Those nights you and yours, unfazed,
silent and determined, blending with brick and park
remind us of the great woods this all once was.
It was the morning after
the clock striking eleven
-for fuck’s sake, not even twelve-
it was that morning after then
we saw you in the distance, still,
golden, up close nearly smiling,
stiff, furry, were you at all alive?
Where were you going, what fence