Over the photograph of the whole beach
(the abandoned amusement park behind),
a lonely bird.
The next photograph shows the bird,
white and black,
flying, spread wings,
such a seabird,
a postcard of a living creature.
My friend shows me the photograph,
one he took knowing I’d see it,
knowing I’d know what the bird,
its colours, the closed beak mean,
its shape cut against the grey sky,
all the bloody melancholy we do share.
I hear my phone ring, hoping that's you,
But unfortunately it's not.
I try to drift ashore from the thought of you leaving me,
But the holes are too big for this boat.
Living feels heavy, like I've lost all my life's purpose,
I finally drift on this water of never ending thoughts.
Thoughts of where you are and whom you're with,
who is doing what I should have been doing,
Making you happy.
If only you knew how much waiting hours to hear from you hurts me.
My heart is slowly grated that I'm constantly in pain.
Turning it into a soup that boils vigorously,
As my chest is filled with this steam that makes it hard to breath.
As the night falls, I crumble.
I'm tough on the outside, but a marshmellow inside.
I could cry if I could, but I won't.
I'd rather live with this burning sensation than lose my wits.
If you can hear my heart beat,
Please come back before I lose it.
Like an old abandoned house, I sit alone in the silence.
I lose my sanity to the wind that constantly bangs the window to my heart.
Slowly it shatters and the pain becomes a normal feeling.
Watching you leave without a trace, makes me want to look for you,
But what makes you want to see me again,
Your loud silence is enough to make me know my place,
So I give you the freedom and warmth you long for,
As I sit by myself in the pouring rain.
As I lay down, my head fell comfy
Suddenly my brain started working.
I thought that this was the end,
but that was just my thoughts.
Thoughts are the main reason,
The reason why I’m idle.
The reason why I’m forbidden.
Thank goodness I can’t move.
It’s been a while,
Myself was adjusting.
Same bed, different memories.
All I care is that you’d like me too.
As I close my eyes,
My brain popped something unusual.
Usually you, but this time.
This time is the pain you caused me.
Before you come
I tell you,
Close your eyes
For I am Ugly.
When you step forward
I tell you,
Hold your breath
For I am rank
Another step,
Persistence.
I tell you,
Cover your ears.
You do not deserve
The punishment of my voice.
Reach out.
I tell you,
I wish, I wish
I wish to be as stone
I will never age
Give me lips bee-stung and bold
Fill them with blood and leave them scarlet red
May my cheeks grow high
And my nose grow straight
I want hair fine and thick
Eyes that glisten wild
Skin like silk from my scalp to my heel
I wish to be so gorgeous
But as I am like a troll
How could I wish to be gorgeous
When I’m not even pretty at all.
my smile fell to the ground
as he approached
despite the mild summer air
i shivered
my smile sunk into the ground
as he touched me
the saltiness of the coastal air
mixing
with that of my tears
my smile got stomped upon and ripped apart
as the dress left my body
large hands replacing it instead
my smile disappeared forevermore
as he left me there
alone
cold
There you are,
laughing from the bottom of your lungs
And here I am,
barely breathing.
You said you'd be with me til the very end
Said you'd put marigolds on my grave because they were my favorite
Said you'd dance with me til your legs gave out.
And now,
as I am almost six feet under
Where are you?
i'm lost
no light no dark just void
it's grey
My body is all dried up and used, too tired to move too tired to think too tired to speak
My arms are weak and my legs are shaking
It's depression
How do you explain to anyone that your not sick nor sad, just weak?
Night turns to day and day turns to night,
over and over again
When your body is dying but your mind is alive, thats hard
But when your body is alive and your mind is dying? Thats torture
hey sis, I know my eyes are red and i'm smelling of cigaretts and cheap vodka
I know you'd probably be better off without me, so one day i'm leaving.
but for tonight, hold me like we used to and take my pain away.
I use your love to feel better about myself when I know one day i'll be leaving and tearing you apart.
this is not fair on you, I know, but you deserve someone who picks you off of the ground instead of someone who can't even open their eyes.
But for now,
hold me?