Fighting for a chance
Just wanting to see you
If the water burns
Take your hands out
If I needed you
I would ask
But the enemy needed me first
I walked to the corner-store
Cigarette in hand
Blood on the back of your hands
You needed help
Blessings to you
But I’m gone.
Sick, sad, rad teen
With cigarette smoke
Inside her dreams
Sick, sad, rad teen
Mascara stained
Cheeks
Sick, sad, rad teen
Grades slipping down
Between the cracks
Sick, sad, rad teen
Artistically falling
Apart.
I have been wondering
Do my scars define me?
Because they tell you
About my pain
Better than my words ever could
What defines me as a human being?
And then I realized
I want to remain undefined
Because instead of a human life
I'll end up as another
Word in the dictionary.
Water, everywhere.
No puddles; torrents.
Floods of defeated self expectaions break through dams,
that are too weak to withstand
Concrete breaks within moments
But even diamond would crack eventually
It couldn't keep all from falling apart
Deluges of water bury the buildings beneath itself
Meticulously constructed and yet blown over like houses of cards
The most solid diamond could not hold these oceans
When someone says hate
What runs through your mind?
Bloody fists and shaking fingers
Hearts beating red and blind?
I see tears and pain
Fears and betrayal
A crossing of hearts
Something that led to fail
Beneath the gritting teeth
And poison words
There's bounds of love
And layers of hurt
I fell in love with beauty
Who skipped me by each day
Who's smile made my heart beat fast
With so much yet so little to say
To me
I see
A mess upon the leaves
A brush
A stroke
Painted on the canvas
Of my dreams
A seed
Planted in the winter
Never sprouts
Without
Water and warmth
No warmth
No water
An outside daughter
No place in time
Laugh laugh laugh
The system seems so funny now
The play kids on the playground
I can't remember sound
Laugh laugh laugh
I fall in love too easily
You have meant so much to me
Such a funny game
Laugh laugh laugh
I'll laugh until my sides hurt
It honestly can't get worse
Such a funny game
Laugh laugh laugh
All my honest thoughts are jokes
The handprints on my throat
The funny things make me choke
What's a lost cause
In me
His face
His stare
No grace
No air?
A faded, blurry imagery of red hues
And blue computer tunes
Of a life I'd never dare to dream I'd live
Well lucky me,
Getting lost in a fantasy
Of a house
A job
A life
Fuck maybe just a will to live
A fear of death
Deep and dark
Cold and damp
The cave i return to after myself I have damned
The pain that pounds is something I created
My thoughts compounded into something i thought was spacious
My body must be an open book by now
The jet ink back under my eyes
The lines in my face that seem to spell out "help me"
But you can't read, can you?
You were never taught to..
Illiterate and unhelpful you all have become
I know you see me
But i dont think you know what you're seeing
I know you watch me writing it out for you
But again, you cannot read
The planets revolve around me
The heavens have fallen upon me
Have they blessed you with their presence?
Have you been saved?
Your planets were different than mine
You hated my planets, so i gave them away
Now that you're on another orbital stage
I realized that it was a mistake
What was i supposed to do?
How was i supposed to love you?
I was just a child that wanted affection
How could i have known that you did not have good intentions?
You linger like a far away star in my mind
Not bright enough to be fully seen
But enough to sting
When will you finally burn out?
I've given up because of you
Does that feel good
Knowing you're the reason
I want to end myself
Or will it feel better when I'm dead
Or will ir feel better
Every time there's a new scar
On my thigh
I feel like maybe you hate this
You like to call me out
On whatever you can
I don't usually do that to you
I hear all this stuff you do
But I don't want to start a fight
In the end
It doesn't matter
You always ask me what's wrong
With me
Like I can't do anything right
I feel like you hate this
Maybe you don't
I don't know
For once, I want to hear
Something nice about me