She's so tired of breaking down
But what can a girl do
She takes care of others before herself
Until she reaches her breaking point
She eats too much
Sleeps not enough
All because she's worrying about them
Not that they ever notice
They sit there with their little fake smiles
And their little perfect lives
Never noticing how she's truly breaking down on the inside
Once again leaving her alone
With the demons inside
You never understood me
It was like we were on two different sides of the spectrum
You tried to help
But you couldn't
So I turned to him
Sure he hurt me over and over
But I always forgave him
He was always there for me
He didn't mean to hurt me
He understood my moods
My disorder
My family
My situation
If I would have told you
It would have been pity
I hate pity
You left me
But I know it wasn't true
You left me
But I know the skies are blue
You left me
But I know there will be a tomorrow
You left me
But I know you'll come back
You left me
And today is hard
You left me
And maybe tomorrow will be better
You left me
And it all doesn't matter without you
It's amazing how alone you can feel in a sea of people
Knowing that they don't understand
Watching them smile
And wondering
How many of them are faking their smiles
How many of them understand
The darkness seeping inside of me
It's amazing how numb a person can feel
And how they can accept it
Because they just want the pain to end
But then they want the pain back
The numb scares them
Once you're numb you can never go back
They don't know that
They try to fight the numbness in any way they can
Suddenly they realize what hundreds know
You see him everyday
Each day the pain doesn't seem to waver
But lately the pain has lessened
You realize you are finally getting over him
That when you see the face you used to love
Is a face you just see in the hallways
The face that held so many memories
Is just a face that used to hold so much joy for you
Looking at your photos
Seeing yourself in his jersey
Doesn't make you cry anymore
It makes you realize how much of a douche he was
And how he fit that football standard
The one where everyone thinks football players are douches
Well it is true
You look at the football stands that you used to cheer for him in
The saying goes
Out of sight out of mind
But does it really work
Think about him or her
Do you see them anymore?
The one that broke your heart
They left you
Or you left them
You tried to erase every trace of them off of your phone
But it doesn’t work does it
There's always that one photo
That one favorite memory
That in months time you'll find
And cause yourself pain all over again
So is the saying true?
Or is it a way of bullshitting yourself into thinking you'll get better?
I miss you guys a lot
More than usual lately
Maybe it's all the stories
Or maybe because
It's almost been 8 months
Or maybe because of all of the memories
I miss you all
All of the nicknames
The jokes
The people
Even the insults
I just miss you
I wish you guys would come back
I hate this feeling
The one where you're crying
And all you can think is
He's not worth it
Not the tears
Not the sadness
Not the pain.
Yet he's your everything
How is that fair
You don't tell him
That he crushed you
That when he thinks you're lying
You cry
You wipe the tears off your face
And pretend that it didn't happen
That it doesn't matter
You tell yourself it's your fault
It is
You can never do anything right
They all want something
Most of the time it's not you
They want you to be somebody
You're not
Your parents
Your friends
They all want something different
You box up you
Pretty soon you haven't opened it
They all some version of you
You give them what they want
But what about what you want
So you find somebody
Somebody you can trust
You give them a peek of you
And they run away
I trusted you with everything
I can't believe you
You told a part of my past
One that I wanted to keep a secret
I trusted you
Now I don't know if
You're my real friend
I feel betrayed
But I guess it doesn't matter
I don't know if you care anymore
Honestly I hope you do
But I'm not even sure if it was all a lie
I hope it wasn't
You knew everything
But how much you were breaking me
Every time I hear the opposite
There's this road
I imagine it in my head
It's empy
And it goes on for miles and miles
There are a few light down the road
But not where I'm traveling
I ride my bike down this abandoned road
It's cold here
There's no way out
I ride faster
But it makes it worse
It brings unwanted memories that I thought I had buried
Apparently not
I pull over and I take my baseball out of the basket
I toss it in the air a few times
But that dark monster inside of me is clawing it's way back up
I changed for you
I wore different clothes
I changed my personality
But now I want me back
You didn't notice the changes
So why should i stay as this person
You make me happy
Nobody else can
But I "we" stress you out too much
You take breaks
And I feel that change
I get worse every time you do
Nobody knows
I don't dare tell you
Like you said I'm not good enough
For you