One moment can define us for the rest of our lives.
One moment can secure our future or destroy it.
One moment can fill you with happiness,
One moment can cloud you with the coldness of misery.
One moment can break a friendship.
One moment can change your life.
One moment can give you something you've only dreamed of having.
One moment can make things into a mess.
One moment is how we fell apart.
After a while, things stop getting cute, not an enjoyable
Show.
Ups and downs, twist and turns, yet somehow I always came back to you and you to
Me.
No calls, no messages, no signal
That
Would at lest give me some idea if I still mattered.
You
Talk all big, saying things that I waited so long for you to say.
You tell me that you
Care.
But honestly? That's getting harder and harder to believe.
You're
Someone that I constantly thinking about.
Plaguing my head, invading my thoughts.
Small fantasies and dreams of us that slowly start
Breaking.
My heart, once mine, has started to betray
Me,
Going to war with my mind.
Telling me to forget you, to embrace you.
Two sides, ripping, tearing me
Apart,
All because of my feelings. My feelings of you.
I met you.
I remember because it was a day of competition and the day of my first audition.
I sat next to a childhood friend and you were there,
We talked about books and how much we loved them.
Things were good then.
One Year Ago Today,
We were both hung up on someone.
They had made us feel special in their own ways.
We thought they would be in our hearts forever,
But they aren't now.
One Year Ago Today,
We didn't know that we would grow close somehow.
Maybe it was all the late night talks or how meaningful they were.
I don't know why.
One Year Ago Today,
Something sparked,
You came to me with your problems.
I came to you with mine.
We used to talk all the time.
But now,
That went away.
You closed up.
Shut me out.
I couldn't reach you anymore.
It wasn't like I could help you anyways.
But at least I tried.
But I can no longer anymore.
Because I am unwanted and unneeded.
I couldn't help before.
And I definitely can't help now.
After all.
Am.
I offered you my hand.
You reached out for it.
And stopped.
You couldn't take it.
Why is that?
Why is that I'm ready to give you my everything and you're not?
It's not fair.
I'm ready to sacrifice, to throw myself away for you.
Yet you won't do the same.
I'm starting to doubt.
Are you really worth it?
Because it sure doesn't seem like you are.
You've hurt me too much.
I've been ignored.
I've been given pain.
I'm now confused and depressed.
I have so many things that I could say.
Every time you made me sad.
Cry.
Or mad.
But I choked them back and made an excuse.
Do you know what happened to those words that were never said?
They became the tears I cried every night.
If I died right now.
At this very moment.
Would you care for me then?
With dog and chance I trudge winter matins
in search, and sure, of hearing her council:
such force cannot vanish into ash
or soil. Though we took turns with the shovel,
I set out expectant, lark-a-fledge,
with dog and chance. I trudge winter matins
and take her pace through sleeping village,
sure this way returns me to her love:
such force cannot vanish into ash.
Though I dropped dirt onto her coffin,
her voice sounds in my muscle
when, with dog and chance I trudge winter matins.
And so I find her, as I walk in dark dampness—
as if she too falls from clouds above—
with dog and chance, as I trudge winter matins.
Such force did not vanish into ash.
Are you ok?
Where did he die? Was he in pain? Was his family with him?
Do you want to talk?
When did you meet? How did you know him? Were you close?
Do you …?
Was he…?
You weep for the view over there:
The tight pattern of circles and legs
Stretching into arms
And faces and squares;
A young man walking prettily,
Hips swaying in bovine grace,
People shattering into words and laughter.
My stature raises its feet
And moves off into the street-lit shades.
Your breath is at my back
Cold before it reaches me
And an avenue of coloured lights
Explodes into being between us,
And you are left with yourself.
The moon eyes me with contempt,
I belong to a pedestal
There's no tremble on your lip:
only the silent tear.
The tear for the darkness of the past
wrapped in a ray of sunlight
caught in the wilderness
of your mind.
What is that shadow
which falls upon your face
like uncertain midnight,
making you real?
In the sunlit distance,
the bowed women snap the grass
to make the playground even,
and the warmed clouds of earth-dust
touch their eyes with tears
But they have no memories