Looking in the casket
Mother and Father Crying
Sister quiet and blank
Me why me
Cant you understand
I miss you I didnt mean to
That was ment for me
Why did you take it
Why did you save my life
I miss the fun
Now I cant have you here
I miss you but I'll see you soon
I still want to do it
Still want to die
Brother please forgive me
Life just keeps getting worse
It started at innocense, corrupted to the core
Manipulated, trained, groomed
Choice a matter of fiction
Called a liar, trauma and hurt minimized
Told to shove it down or just completely unseen
Hidden amongst the crowd
Not allowed to express or talk about
Shoved in a box stored out of sight.
Unable to morn over so many firsts taken
So many choices taken, shelf control, self of mind, stolen
Going through the motions to live as a shell of a person
Trying so hard to just exist, to want to exist
Remembering how my body felt, my feelings, my mind
Our little secret, our own little world, special
Lies made or a story told to manipulate to take what you wanted
Eyes blinded by tears that refuse to fall
A never ending blur of blackness
Hand reached out for something to hold
A guide of something
A touch of something familiar
But just textures and temperatures
Eyes wide yet only nothingness
Familiar voices of faces once seen
How sometimes I long to see thee
A blessing yet curse bestowed upon me
The memories of you echo
Like flash frames of light
Your face brightens the darkness
My voice yells loudly for you
Only to fall upon silenced ears
Your voice rings a melody
These lies I'm told
Are hard to believe
But I fall for them
I let them into my head
And into my heart
I sometimes think
Think what is wrong
I fall for these lies
With knowing they are not real
The people I love even tell me these
They lie to me and fake me out
Who can I trust anymore
Who should I believe
What is going on in this world
Does every person have to be fake
I don't love anything anymore
Mother and Father
I am not well.
My head is not
well.
No, not good.
I am not angry.
Your clothes are white
And my clothes are
Red.
You are good,
The best.
I am not.
See you both
Later.
It's hard to understand
people that are
like him.
One moment, we're
happy together-
then
he suddenly disappears.
With my heart aching,
I beg for him, knowing
my cries are just screams
into the void. It
doesn't affect him, though.
If only he could
how much I
care.
Alone and left to be I am my own downfall
Tumble down like trees, bees and little insects are prettier then me
Life would be so much better if I was weed
Unnoticed in a crack high above it all swaying in the wind in the fall
But maybe I am a weed and this is why I am alone for no one likes a weed ruining their gardens, even in the stones
It would have been best if I'd never grown
I do not know who I am anymore
I am told
Told who I am and must be
In the days today I am told
How I must dress,
How I must act and
How I must behave
I cannot follow my dreams
I do not even know what they are anymore
Or where they have gone
It is blackness that I see
I am lost in this school of fish
The ocean is big, but it is empty
It is also far more complicated
So many currents put their pressure on me
Family, friends and peers, work mates and partners
I walked along the city streets today
The world it seems to past me
I see over a hundred people as they pass me on the dirty city streets
But my walk is lonely
And I'm guarded, I cannot trust nobody
This walk is no longer lonely
I have my sister you see
Next to her I can rule the world and try anything
I am brave when she's around for she needs me to be
When night time hits the peole slowly disappear
The streets are lonely again
I still have my sister
We wisper on the train, our voices slowly dim
We sing until our voices hurt
Then we sing again
The streets are no longer lonely
Her mumma used to tell her that she loved her
Her daddy annually
In her life it's the same old thing
Shes a broken down, broken thing
What is wrong with me?
One cut, two cut, cut a little deep
One cut, two cuts
What isn't wrong with me?
If I was born a boy, would you have cared for me?
Maybe I shouldn't have been born at all
Then you would be free, of the burden we call me
Rope? Knife? Gun? Jump? Or some pills?
So many options
To get rid of me
My mother shes so beautiful
She lights up with the day
She looks out for me
Walter, shelter, food
The songs she sings is soft, a trickle of a breeze
She sings to me alot though the night and the day
She sings of the past
Her happy days
My mother, she is kind but mistreated is she
Nobody respects my mother, but me
People, strangers and people she knows
Throw things at ny mother
Shes hurting and sometimes she lets it show
Rowing storms, floods and droughts
Shes letting people know
My mother, she is dying
Its in the rivers, oh how it haunts Me
Its in the lakes and all the seas
No matter where I look,
They're always taunting me
I stray away from glass, ponds
And the little dams,
I stay upon the hill and watch
The water from the sand
Oh, how I hate them
For they know what I am,
A once happy girl within the waves,
Now on the sand
To gaze upon the truth,
The misery of what I am,
I will not like what I see,
Nor will I pretend