If talking ever took us places,
He'd be gone
And we'd be closer than skin.
If I stay silent,
You get hurt
But believe my word.
If I tell the truth,
You'd might be safe
After destroying me.
If I explain what I know,
You'd call me "Liar!"
And outcast me.
If I keep you safe,
You would hate me.
Distrust me.
If I give you a chance,
With the sun shining
and the grass swaying
what can go wrong?
With the children playing
and their laughter singing
what can go wrong?
Terror mounts with each day in passing
As life slips by without an answer
My eyes
Stinging like wasps against my thoughts
And the heartbeats
Leading up to a speedy execution
Air fills the holes in my lungs
With sweat trickling over my
Exposed jugular vein,
The shaking never ceases
Scenery overflows the rivers
Flooding the lake with bountiful images
Expanding the water that lines the eye
Flooding the mind,
Repeatedly
Until it can no longer contain the soaked shores,
Until like so many dams wreaked by
Negligence and shame
It gives way to the torrential influx of
Image
After
Image
So bombarded that it fails to distinguish
Between a water world
And its own
So over-filled that it is beyond
Everything comes back to me
In pieces-
The dusty shambled lines
Of shivering mental static
Pave way for realities
Of sterile decisions
Of whole lifetimes
Where I felt trapped
And mistaken-
My memories are enemies
Feasting on fear through discarded past times
Vials of vitality
Leave me in pieces
Built on foundations
Foundations I cannot support
That's all this new world is
That's all it is and it's slowly killing each and every one of us
Steam and Gears
There are no more flowers
No more trees
Just Steam and Gears
Our air is filtered, manufactured
Our water is dirty and dry
Steam and Gears
It seemed a bright idea at first
But then again, so did making everyone the same and where did that get us?
Steam and Gears
Our dreams are no longer real
Even they are mechanical
We only dream of what They deem fit
Steam and Gears
Over think ,
Over think,
Over think again
It's all I ever do , sit & overthink
My heads over flowing with toxic thoughts
If feels like I'm sinking
I can't breathe
Just let go
Drowning ,
Drowning ,
Drowning
Gone
The air is now hot and the sun is shining
The bugs are noisy, loud, and annoying
The heat, the sun, the yellowish greens
Summer has arrived it seems
The summer heat has brought people to shore
The sea breeze blows, the people wishing for more
Children are playing, their laughter so sweet
Energetic enough to not mind the heat
The child from spring has grown older
Enjoying the summer with absolute vigor
Oh how lovely summer is in life
How strange it is to not be alive.
No rest shall i take,
if you'd happen to make a runaway.
No sleep shall i deserve,
if you'd happen to starve one day.
And no good shall i receive,
if pain is in your heart held,
for my life to you only serves.
You, my son which to love me bears.
Body memories are the worst,
They remind me you were my first,
In the most horrid of ways,
They ruin most of my days,
I can feel the pain in my ribs,
I remember how it feels to be kicked,
I can feel this blunt stabbing in my throat, I can feel so many things,
I don't even want to make a verbal connection with those,
I can't afford to make that connection because I felt it as the panic rose,
These feelings are bitter sweet though,
I can afford to feel this pain in my emotional pocket book,
The visual memories are the most horrid though,
You can't escape them no matter where you look,
I just wish this was over so I wouldn't have to worry,
So I'd stop having to fret over the threat of emotional bankruptcy.
Star light, star bright,
Will I go to sleep tonight?
Will the monsters eat me?
Or will night terrors torment me?
As the moon shines on tree bark,
Night after night I fear the dark,
Alone I sit inside my room,
The shadows seem to grow and loom,
Over me in the back of my mind,
Shouting at me from behind,
That this won’t ever end,
Only more sadness is around the bend,
In the road that is my life,
Filled with chaos and with strife,
From a young age I have been robbed,
Left alone while I shake and sob,
Late at night, when you’re fast asleep,
Shadows crawl and nightmares creep,
In the morning when you wake,
You will know the forms panic can take,
The monsters never stay in the closet,
Life can never be simple can it?
No, life will never be simple, learn to live,
Try not to fall for the lines fear will give,
One day, one day, this all will end,
I hope you make it 'til then.
When the lights go out,
The monsters shout,
With glee inside my head,
They fight and shriek inside my mind,
To make me think, to make me cry, that I would rather be dead,
The cannot win, they will not win,