You were supposed to be my safe place but you ended up being the reason I was in danger
i know it’s my fault
i know this by now
i know you meant it all
i know you know how.
i know your heart has no heat
i know i can’t be sure of mine
i know you laughed at my demise
i know you hope there’s no lifeline.
i know that you enjoyed yourself
i know that it’s now my turn
i know you’re still watching
i know you’re fearful that you’ll burn.
i know it’s not your fault
i know it hardly never ever is
i know your blood is laced with salt
i know you never ask why not.
I enjoyed peeling your name,
off of my white wall.
I gave you all I had,
you brought little if at all.
Your red letters lay in scraps,
on my otherwise clean gray floor.
Next I get to scoop you up,
and throw you out the back door.
I know you didn’t mean it,
I really just don’t care.
I looks as if you just found out,
you get what you give and that’s fair.
That's it. That's all they did.
They gave me all the encouragement I need.
Yeap. That really kept me going until the end.
Ain't no getting over it is there?
Painted blue when you'd rather be neutral.
Never asked for emotions,
But who ever asked you what you wanted?
No one...
Dull eyes, unable to cry.
Numbed hands, unable to hurt.
Crippled heart, unable to leap at the minimal mention of happiness.
Who did this to you?
Who made you hallow?
Is it really the one you think of?
Was told that you were loved,
So remind me what love is.
Dichotomy, contradicting,
Set fire to my carefree decisions.
Without hesitation, break me down.
Thank you
For not being there
When I needed you the most.
Trust me,
You are the one who taught me
Not to expect anything from anyone.
If I break my hand
Will anyone care
If I hang myself
Will anyone care
I know they wont they dont give a fuck what I do
Say
Or how I act
I say fuck you
They say right back
I wanna punch the shit out of something but I dont
He gave the solid rail a hateful kick.
From far away there came an answering tick
And then another tick. He knew the code:
His hate had roused an engine up the road.
He wished when he had had the track alone
He had attacked it with a club or stone
And bent some rail wide open like a switch
So as to wreck the engine in the ditch.
Too late though, now, he had himself to thank.
Its click was rising to a nearer clank.
Here it came breasting like a horse in skirts.
(He stood well back for fear of scalding squirts.)
Then for a moment all there was was size
Confusion and a roar that drowned the cries
He raised against the gods in the machine.
Then once again the sandbank lay serene.
Your love
was a warm, yellow light
shining through white windows
of a green cabin
as I stood alone
at dusk
in the black forest
of my loneliness.
My body ached from weariness
my soul cried out for comfort
I entered
I thought that smiling mask . . .
that lovely smiling mask . . .
was you.
I asked for food
you gave me dried bones on a wooden platter.
My three sisters and I
traded virginity
for comfort
my three sisters
got rings and Mrs.
and respectability
I got two dollars
and independence
and kept respectability
to myself.
Oh, you who go hurrying, worrying by
With never a cry or a call,
Saw you a lad who was standing here
On the crest of the old sea wall?
I saw him last night in the twilight
As the long low breakers rolled,
And across the bay in the chapel
An evening bell was tolled.
And we looked at each other a moment
And then from each other we turned,
But I read in his eyes of a longing
That a merciless world had spurned.
Oh, have you no answer to make me,
All you who go hastening past,
And though I am late will none tell me
Where he was standing last?
everything you gave me—
the pen in Dublin
at the Post Office,
your letter back in
London,
your address in
Philadelphia.
You poor bastard,
you'll never hear
from me again.