“Closer” you say, from less
Than six inches away, the end
Of the weary, long day, at last
At rest. The best rare moments, we talk
This way, with heads on pillows, face
Each other. Face each other, soft voices
In sounds sleeping gray, sometimes
Important, often just touching, topics
From the day, anything else left to say,
Before sleep, before love, before
Anything that matters gets away. I speak
“Are you thinking of a date?” and
I watch and wait, no clouds rise up, no
Silences contained. Easy as breathing, your
Sweetest, intimate way, neither hurry
Nor delay. “Closer” you say.
Her heart wrenches in anticipation.
How can one person,
Make her yearn so badly?
I admire your kindness and gentleness,
But I don't think
You'd want someone like me.
All I'll bring you is disappointment.
When the sun rises I hope to be by your side
I hope you be with you watching the sky
I hope we'll be together for a long time
But I know that's selfish and it's not fine
So just for a little bit I want you to be mine
Hold me close and whisper in my ear
Comfort me with sweet empty words
Tell me you love me even if it a lie
Keep your secrets from me if you want
Don't kiss me, just hug me
You don't need to force yourself to smile alot
You can act like how you would normally
But don't hurt me, I've been through enough
Just let me bask in the warmth of another
These things remind me of you:
Last year
Paper
Pencils
Notes
Peer marking
Unfunny jokes
The little things
The number 6
English class
My hand touching yours
Me staring at you
Maths class
Unintentional eye contact
Asthma
Trying to avoid each other
11:11, make a wish
I made a wish
my wish was you
you made a wish to
it was about me, you said
I wondered and wondered until I had enough courage to ask
you said 'I wished for a phone so I could call you'
I was shocked, I told you that I want things to go my way
but in actual fact I wished to see you
like I always do
I would never tell you though
because I'm to scared to
I love you, you just don't know
I thought I knew
I thought I had it planned
I thought that maybe one thing is going to plan
I was wrong
You came along and everything changed
You made me feel hot faced
Blushing with every smile
Every laugh
Every everything
But I thought I knew
I thought I planned and I didn't
I didn't
I can keep our memories alive
But I can't keep everyone alive
I will keep you alive as long as I can
I don't care if that puts me in danger
I will keep you alive
Because I can
Because I love you
And I won't ever stop loving you
Grief; yes.
Analysis; of course.
But the Escher path says only,
“It is. It is. Just accept it.
“Or don’t. It’s up to you.
Be warned, though: bitterness and regret never once
turned back time.
Except to eat up memories, turn them foul;
belch them back in your face, distorted.”
So here is my pledge. Here are the promises
I will try hard to keep, however hard it may be.
I.
I will not say or do things that make you feel bad or guilty.
I will not weep in public. I will not spout vengeful poetry. Sympathy,
solicited, does not heal. Guilt resurrects nothing.
I will try to reflect, rather than ruminate.
How do you say that which can not be said
How do you write that which can not be written
It's not that I can't put it into words
It's just that
Words simply ended where my story had begun
Walking towards me in that blue satin suit
A masterpiece! What a sight to see
And that's when I realized how lucky I am
To have something so sweet
All to myself
All for me
And the minute we met, the minutes stopped
Time was an entity unbeknownst to us
When a simple hello bacame the most melodious thing I had ever heard
We walked, we laughed, we spent our time
Burning memories in the back of our minds
Like something new in the world today
Like a prism of color
Rain water dancing on the roof of my car
Watching the girls play in the mud
That once was sand
That once was ocean
That once was life
And my God –
Stopping myself from wanting
What is probably natural
(Replace the ones that I love)
And I’m almost certain there’s truth
In this misery
Can’t find the off button
The switch to makes this all go away
What would you say if I kissed you?
I watched you gather goldenrod in the fields.
I watched you swimming in the forest.
And I watched you keeping your hands
upon your knees.
You breathe like a scientist. And your breath
becomes the count of dreams. You smell
as sweet as the second-hand books you
throw away.
And the caverns in the earth are not singing.
And I cannot walk around the laboratory.
And I cannot rest my fingers.
And I cannot stay in when the sun is out.
I used to think you were a gift to the
experimenters. I used to think you were a gift
to the men fighting for their home.
Or the men who cry on the heaths and moors.