blue jay — Poem analysis

The night we met you sang you loved me yet you magpied the brightest parts of my smile and the twinkle in my eye

left locked out tapping on windows and cramming love letters carved from chunks of me through your letter box hoping you might take them , accept them hoping you might unlock the door hoping you might unlock the window hoping you might unlock the cat flap , That's warped from the countless times I've had to suck and squeeze my way through just to get to you , for you to label me a bitch

when I try leave you command my return , tossing cat treats of affections , staved ribs showing , i turn again and return as before licking , love ? of the floor , swallowing all the dirt that comes with it

The brick walls you build collapse on me as I tear them down the slice my skin , the shape of a scared cats pupil bleeding till try my barks and yelps for help are answered by more brick when i paw myself to the surface

my love is echoed but grows silent my screams find themselves now unheard and unanswered why , Blue blue blue , red

loving you feels like being addicted to poison , smoking your promises , snorting you lies , it rots me from the inside out , you complained of my rose coloured glasses but they where the only reason I stayed .

My tears hit the floor as you stand in the desert the room throbs with pulses of Blue , Purple , RED , Red , red , blue

If you ever just came to me I would open the door serve you a meal of my heart shower you with my care clothe you in my skin let you rest in my mind RED BLUE but good luck with the door I lost it with my goodbyes

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The bird in the title never appears in the poem. What we get instead is a verb, "magpied", and a colour, Blue, that creeps back until it takes over the closing lines. The person being addressed is never described, only felt through what they take. On the night they met they "sang you loved me", then stripped "the brightest parts of my smile and the twinkle in my eye", the way a magpie is said to steal anything shiny. The word "sang" matters here. Birdsong is pretty and costs nothing, so the declaration sounds like performance rather than promise.

From there the poem is about a self being worn down. The speaker is shut out, "tapping on windows" and pushing "love letters carved from chunks of me" through the letter box. The detail is gruesome: she is paying for affection in pieces of her own body. The three "hoping you might unlock" lines shrink as they go, from door to window to cat flap. That last entrance is "warped" from her having to "suck and squeeze" through it, so the repetition itself feels like squeezing into a smaller space each time.

Animals run through the whole poem, and they are not the bird of the title. The speaker is a cat who gets "cat treats of affections" and has "ribs showing", then a dog who barks, yelps and paws at the bricks. The insult she receives, "bitch", sits at the point where these images meet, as if the other person's contempt confirms the shrinking. She is licking "the floor" and "swallowing all the dirt", with a hesitant "love ?" wedged in the middle of the line. The question mark shows her doubting her own word for it even as she does it. Even the injuries are catlike: cuts "the shape of a scared cats pupil", slits that are also eyes watching in fear.

The poem has no rhyme and no steady rhythm. Lines run long and breathless, then snap short, and the punctuation is unusual: commas sit apart from their words, "i" is sometimes lowercase, and there are slips such as "they where" and "bleeding till try". I can't say which of these are deliberate, but together they make the voice feel unpolished and close to the moment, more like something blurted out than composed. At the emotional peaks, grammar gives way altogether: "why , Blue blue blue , red". The colours are never explained. Judging by "the room throbs with pulses", they could be flashing lights, or the blues, purples and reds of a bruise, or simply pain pulsing. The refusal to explain adds to the dread. The capitals swell to "RED" and then dwindle to "red, blue", as though the pulsing is fading or the speaker is.

The addiction stanza is the plainest in the poem: "smoking your promises, snorting you lies". It treats the other person's words as drugs that rot her "from the inside out". Then comes the cruelest irony. The partner mocks her "rose coloured glasses", yet those glasses were "the only reason I stayed", so the blindness she is blamed for is the thing that kept her there.

The ending reverses the opening. Earlier she was outside the door begging; now she imagines opening it and offering everything. The list climbs from a "meal of my heart" to "clothe you in my skin" and "rest in my mind". Each gift is more bodily than the last, an echo of those early letters "carved from chunks of me". Then the tone turns: "good luck with the door / I lost it with my goodbyes". The door is gone, and "lost it" also suggests losing control. The plural "goodbyes" admits that leaving took many attempts. Whether the missing door protects her or traps her is left open, and that ambiguity is the poem's last sting.

The poem is worth studying because it describes a damaging relationship without lecturing about it. The metaphors do the work: a house with no way in, a body turned into letters and meals, an animal that keeps coming back. It shows how someone can lose herself while still sounding tender, and it lets her anger arrive only at the very end.

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