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I can say I'm better now. I'm not how I used to be; I've stopped for now. I say now because it's an urge To indulge myself in sin. To turn around And drown myself in self pity. I was so sick, So very sick and nothing could stop my spiraling downwards. I'm better now though. I'm better for myself. Even though I still feel unwell at times, I still feel like I can't take the sight of myself for long periods of time; I can at least say I have gotten rid of that poisoned half I used to call myself. I was able to leave the sickness behind, but somehow it finds it's way back. I just want to be pretty, all I want is to be so damn pretty! I blame myself. Then I go deeper in the hole. I feel that emptiness That anxious shake That heat flash followed by a cold chill. They said I wouldn't be able to shake it off all at once, But I wanted it to at least stop for a longer period of time. I don't want to fall apart now. I've been doing so good before. But then I start to think and think and think and think and want and desire and crave-! "Stop thinking that way!" It's so hard, you have no idea how hard it is. I look into the mirror everyday Do you know what I see? I see a girl. A familiar stranger; That one person you know their face but forgot their name. I want to cry when I see her because I can't seem to remember her face then she would ask me: "Do you feel pretty today?" No, of course not.