Illusive whiteness covers the ground
on the happiest of them all.
Fantastic. Festive. Familiar.
Where there are joyful faces, lit with expectation, lit with innocence and hope.
Where there is wishful thinking and dreaming, perhaps, for the daylight to make all their needs into flesh and blood.
Flesh. And blood.
On the happiest of them all, the fog, the dim light, the cold silent darkness is subduing the image.
My image.
On the happiest of them all, my bones ache and my muscles are tearing.
I apologize.
For you to have remembered the features of my face.
For kind, soft words we've spoken so many times.
For being the representation of a lot less than you deserve.
I apologize.
the bedroom door stays locked
my thoughts wedged under the handle
blocking anyone from seeing what is on the inside
the walls are painted the darkest black
and is completely bare of furniture
demons hide under the creaking floorboards
every night I take out a silver blade
from a special place
and for the moments that my skin is a deep red
the room lights up a bright shade of yellow
and then the shame sets in and the darkness returns
but if I try hard enough to not let the red come back
the yellow will gradually creep back onto the walls
and eventually the door will unlock
letting me out of my caged hell
I m blind
Mind went dark
Blindly toward sounds
Running on the stones
Chasing them
Running fast
Stop.
Sounds disappeared.
I'm the girl who stays hushed in her room
Where my thoughts are dark and scary
The thoughts invade and are like parasites
Always saying mean things
Who am I?
I'm the girl that hopes that everything is ok
Scared that the darkness will consume
The world that she lives
Who am I?
I'm the girl that wants to die
But does not wish to give
The world the satisfaction that it seeks
Everytime I put the lights off
I don't know how the darkness gets to me, it's just comes naturally like how the earth revolves around the sun.
I think of the things that happened to me during the day,
sometimes absolutely nothing happens,
sometimes I'm dissed by my own people,
Sometimes I'm treated like I'm non-exsistent
And then
There is this 10% of times where something actually good happens .
Give me a sign
no actually, don't
I thought it would help me
I now know it won't
with every word
my brain drifts away
to why you would say that
and what I should say
left in the darkness
my options are few
I might have had chances
those chances, I blew
So give me a sign
show me what to say
help me with kindness
to make things okay
Not everything looks better in the daylight
the lightbulb out. That's tough!
Tomorrow I'll buy a 100 Watt job
and screw it in. So what's darkness
among four walls. The whole earth
in the closet next to the icebox.
Running to stand still,
When you look up
Do you see the blue sky of what might be?
Or the darkness of what never will?
Do you see me?
You ask me to not run away...
But I'm already gone.
You tell you self you never have to face things alone
But here you are standing, staring
Eyes glazing over
Tears falling from your eyes and face
Dirt all on your clothes and face
Running from the darkness
Each step only takes you farther back
Your heart beating faster and faster
Walls closing in
You scream but no one hears you
Chest rising faster and faster
Running toward the door
You fall and stumble
Falling and falling
Then it’s over
Please..
Show me how to love,
What's it feel like to have love?
Show me how to get back the light,
It's already so dimmed.
Save yours for me,
Don't ruin yourself for me,
Don't end up like me.
Somewhere, I lie in between
Life keeping me in the dark and
Me keeping myself in the dark.