Misheard voices,
Falling walls.
No eavesdropping,
Through slammed doors.
In the attic,
Windows open.
Fresh air gently,
Reminds me I'm broken.
If a breeze,
Can make me stumble.
I'm too weak,
To deal with trouble.
So when the hits,
Start raining down.
I hope one day,
I can defend myself.
Shaking uncontrollably,
Trembling in fear.
I inflict another,
Blinded by tears.
Please stop giving,
Useless advice.
Reasons to create,
More scars to hide.
Shivering and crying,
Suddenly I stop.
The world goes blurry,
Paralysed with shock.
Family members,
Gathered around.
Someone's coffin,
Lowered into the ground.
My love , I'm scared
Please find me
I'm here sunken
In this sea of sorrows
Please search for me
I'm here lost
In my own mind
I'm buried into
This darkness inside
My heart
Listen my love
I'm scared
Please find me
My heart is pounding
My body is sweating
What am I doing?
What am I feeling?
Why I find this emotion, really appealing?
Can my eyes believe the things I'm seeing?
I keep on blushing
Never stopping
I have this weird feeling
I think I love him, but I keep on fearing
Whatever his reaction, If I admit my feelings
When I talk to you I have difficulty breathing
I have difficulty in moving, difficulty in speaking
I want to show you... I have feelings for you
But why can't I say, "I love you"
Whenever you're beside me, I am always merry
You see the ice overgrown.
Shivering from being near.
Cracks run through the ice.
Fearfully you reach out for it.
Only to see it melt at your touch.
Underneath a life preserved for millennia is uncovered.
Just as the new life is reborn you run away as soon as it looked into your eyes.
Scared the new life hides once more within the ice.
face-down i laid on that dusty carpet
acutely aware of the bed above me
mattress heavy enough to crush my lungs if it fell
and your head knocking against the battered walls
thump
thump
thump
because instinct screams at you to run and hide
to listen to every fucking heartbeat of the enemy
when violence lurks nearby
with trembling hands, i cover my eyes
but not my ears
so i can hear his footsteps as he stomps through the halls.
i wince
as he bumps into the table and its squeak assaults my ears.
i choke
down a sob as he grumbles drunkenly.
stupid woman, moving my fucking crap.
stupid woman, spending all my damn money.
stupid woman, not waiting for me.
i forget to breathe, heart
sinking
as he stops at my door.
i force myself to groan and roll over as though i'm asleep,
struggling to breathe as the air grows thick and heavy.
i swallow the burn in my throat as he pats my knee.
i wish i could hate you
because hatred moves mountains and ends lives
in a frantic, desperate blaze no one can stop
but fear shackles me to the ground
begging for the end
and all i have is a spark of what could've been
"What's that?"
"I couldn't hear you."
"Speak up."
don't you realize i am?
this is my yelling.
this is as loud as i can go
ever since fear
adjusted my volume.
some nights i dream of open mouths
with yellow, decaying teeth
and gum sores all along the sides
andwetblistersontheirtonguestheirbreathishotandmustydominatingmysensesasthemouthssteadilyget
closer
and
closer
i always wake up just before they reach me
those rolling tongues
and hot breaths
but i can still feel them crawlingallovermyskin
your temper breaks the heavy silence of the air as
your feet cause an earthquake.
one step closer, two steps closer...
rolled up fists, cocked and ready.
eyes bulging red with disdain.
three steps closer, four...five...
i hear the hissing sound of your harsh breaths;
the pressure builds up until i'm not sure if i'll
vomit or implode.
you're in front of me,
close enough that blinking would make me touch you.
back up, please...back up...
a rib cracks.
a bone snaps.
the blood boiling inside me, screaming to do something,
fills up my lungs and drowns me from
hair streaked with daggers
and iron filling her lungs
each breath a shot of poison
that makes me want to run
but running makes it worse
she gets off on the fighting back
so i have to stay completely still and be willing
to ache and burn and die
until the opportunity comes that i can finally hide