I say " I'm never going to do that again "
But i did
I say " I'm not scared anymore "
But i am
I say " I'm hard to catch "
But I'm not
I say " my heart is strong "
But it is not
I hope my heart is strong as my brain,
I wish my brain teach my heart.
I pled my heart accept like my brain,
But then i realised both my brain and heart
Are useless stupids.
We keep our eyes shut
in fear
of what we might see
of ourselves...
we keep our ears closed
for fear
of what we might hear
our heart says...
when our hands shiver
when our mind hesitates -
we know
we know
what we do not want to know...
Darkness; night has fallen.
In the distance, thunder rolls.
It is louder now; light flashes in the sky.
Rain pours.
I cannot hear anything but
The scream of the wind
And the screeching of the
Lashing rains.
The thunder is louder now.
I am afraid.
Lights have gone
In my master’s home.
I am alone in my cage.
I cannot hear anything
But the thunder; I am afraid.
I have to get out of my cage
One foot in front of the other,
Speed continually increasing,
Reluctant to look back,
Indifferent to pushing and shoving,
With no definite destination,
You continue to run,
No care about fatigue,
No worry of dehydration,
Not knowing when to stop,
If the end is near,
Not knowing if you should go back,
To conquer that fear,
Others watch and shake their heads,
Having been there before,
Until they learned there was no finish,
It did them no good,
A sudden fear comes over me,
A knot forms in my stomach,
My eyes then close,
As I know what’s coming,
A head sensation unlike the rest,
Fear being prevalent,
Thoughts seemingly slow down,
Continually becoming more intense,
Praying the sensations will dissipate,
That it’s only a dream,
Until I feel them evolve,
No longer do I feel free,
I stare straight into nothingness,
Unable to speak or move,
Words non-comprehendible,
To others just appearing spaced,
Shakeable
Breakable
Afraid & scared
Terrified
Electrified
Uneasy & unprepared
Sitting in a void
Thinking about doing better
Doing it on loop
And not able to do better
Same old sobbing story to tell
All imaginary unimaginable gaps to fill
One mind to think about it all
Planning to make it better than all
Doing it on loop
Sitting in a void
Scared to do something new
Knowing the old methods are not enough
Reassuring you have got it tough
Trying to call out you own bluff
Doing it on loop
Sitting in a void
Im trapped in my head
all my thoughts and desires stay inside
too scared to leave
in case of ridicule
ive been trying to let them out droplet at a time
but its hard
i feel like a prisoner
always locked away
the only time im authentic
is when im under lock and key
it spreads throughout my body
and starts to pain
writing it out
to make sure i dont spill
It was a chip. A simple french-fry
spread in ketchup and mayonnaise,
revealing itself on a traffic-island
opposite the dry-cleaners. Wings pulled -
lowering to ground, it assessed
a simple strip of potato.
I have never liked gulls. Wing-span
the length of seizing arms;
looping the circumference of my
scalp. It would take what it wanted:
a chip; my mind. Poker-face -
it circled for death.
i want to tell you everything
without you being afraid
or judging me
i want to mention how
my hair is falling out
how my clothes fit a little looser
how my parents told me that they love me a little less everyday
how it's getting bad again
but i can't.
To like
to love
to fall down
and get up
To sing
to cry
to wish you could fly away
To hate
to scream
to find happiness in only dreams
To smile
away tears
and along with it fears
To leap
of faith
to cowered away from mere little events
Time goes on
stalking a man
like a predator
goes after prey
When the time has come
let me go in peace
but until that time
let me do as I please
People make a target
of time yet to come
deciding for me
if I will be gone
The fear that this brings
just cannot be said
but this has a place
in my heart and head