'choose.' i said, 'me or her.'
but it wasn't that simple
not for you
it wasn't coke or pepsi
cats or dogs
sun or rain
it was the difference between 'i love you' and 'i need you'
soft goodnight kisses or rough morning sex
big smiles and tenderness and a girl that just made you so happy
or late nights and alcohol and a girl that made you feel alive
so when i said, 'choose.'
when i said, 'me or her.'
you looked at me like i was asking you the most unfair question in the world
you said, 'i love you,'
and my heart fell on cracked pavement
broke right down the middle
The invisible strings that held her together
Were slowly breaking apart
And unravelling the mess she kept inside
Dangerously close to her heart.
She felt the tears at the rim of her eyes
Threatening to spill and break free
But she blinked them back as hard as she could
Out of fear somebody would see.
She wanted to appear like she had it together
So she tried to put on a show
But the pressure she placed on herself was too great
And the invisible strings let go.
My metal heart is tearing me up
With all of its stray pieces coming after me
I try to run but I'm derailed
It's stuck inside taking me with it
I can't hold on and I slip
My chest bursts open
Words pour out giant sorrows
Not quite in but not quite there
I stutter as I force out the unsaid balance
It doesn't work
And I weld my metal heart back up
In The moment she went, my heart broke in 1.000.000 shards
The cold Autom wind crawled through the holes in the facade into the small, dark room, whirled up my orange curles to a tornado and then disappeared with the remnants of my heart into the empty of the night.
If I'd really wanted to, I could have picked up the shards and perched them together .
But why the effort?
I haven't felt anything for a long time...
At least not until I met her.
One may slip and slide
when tied to the tendrils of the heart;
in the glass ball,
every step attains a perfect landing.
Thoughts make men strangers
and create great moments of urgency,
as well as nervousness, when a thought
moves you to wake up and light a cigarette
and lie back on pillow, content
in thinking, in playing the thought through,
that's the only way for it to die!
The death of a thought isn't wholesome
like coming home from school for a glass of milk
and cookies. There's no wholesomeness
in guilt, but it comes in dreams
in the form of pictures
of saints and rabbinical figures
lighting big cigars.
There's no thought like the one I'm having.
It bends me backwards in my chair so that
the soul is not a little man
operating in the heart or head
all right but who is that little guy
you play with me until this burning anger
claws its way out of my chest like a
dying heart ripped from its veins, an
inhuman roar hanging heavy in the air
and though it hurts to say this
i am nothing but a person without that anger
a tiny
insignificant
person
afraid of what occurs after the breakdown
afraid of the quiet emptiness of being alone
so even though you're toxic and rude and
completely, utterly unworthy
of my time
i stay
here we go again
my heart shattering again
but I just don't seem to care
A little laugh
A little smile
that'll keep them off my back
for a while.
there isn't a day
where I wouldn't like to say
maybe today I wouldn't feel this way
maybe....
No it's just me
you see
and my insecurities.
I'm just procrastinating
nothing new
You know
You've been hurt
When you can't seem to love
Because your scared to get hurt again
Life begins to count,
One, Two, Three,
Time begins to accelerate,
Four, Five, Six.
Thoughts in your head mount,
Seven, Eight, Nine,
A single phrase,
Ten, Eleven, Twelve.
Something inside snaps,
I lost count.
Small, weak breaths escape,
One, Four, Seven.
My words stop rhyming,
Two, Five, Eight,
Counting starts loosing shape,
Three, Six, Nine.
She pushed away her feelings
Blocking the world from her hurt soul
The fresh and tender sores of her heart
Because she had gotten hurt too many times to let just anybody in
Maybe that's why people thought she was heartless
When honestly
She was only just hidden and still beating more than anybody would know