Inside she's a wreck
When you see her she's perfectly fine
Deep down her mind is a fucking mess
When she's with you she seems happy
When she's alone she's fragile like glass.
The girl full of hopes and dreams
She wants to escape her home where she cant sleep peacefully
She wants to meet new people, explore the world go on fun road trips
She wants to feel happy again
And at midnight if you ask her
"Are you okay"
And she says I'm fine
She won't be lying this time
No words can begin to describe
How I feel on days like this
Like unwanted mixed with salt
Like pepper on a burn
Hated. Why am I around?
A 'nuisance' to those
Who are mean to care
Like hot curry drowning in tears
An ice bath on a cold day
Locked away writing fears
Bound to come out sometime
Like smelly feet in a clean world
Or a mutt surrounded
In a pedigree show
Uncared for when all I want is love
Pushed away in my 'home'
I was made from moving parts
Bolts and wires and such
There were no daisies and sweet smells
In my creation
as I was made from harsh reality's that were yet to be discovered
They built me from the oppression that minority's had faced
But filled me with the privilege that some were lucky to receive
My head was compiled of knowledge
only based on the things
they thought would fulfill their darkest desires
I was taught to hide myself live alone in my misery
I was a creation built for their pleasure
without
a mind of my own Unloved
uncaring without a home but I was a creation
Harper Lee displays a blah blah blah blah blah...
My body hurts.
It hurts.
My head
My body
My mind.
I'm tired
And hungry
But I can't eat
Eating makes me sick.
Can I go home?
No.
No.
NO.
My family will ask
Why?
an hour
after summer equinox
breviaries
bell tone of vespers
two children swimming
among ten thousand salmon
teach the children
how to catch fish
with their hands
that
any trout
interested in taking chances
will kiss their fingers
that
in a summer solstice
bees land on their nose
I
Being invited to the lady's large bed
delighted!, and overcome by possibilities
Was not unlike stumbling through the Gobi Desert,
under an orange moon
And then entering some ancient city,
not understanding a word
II
Puking over her feet, I complain
she's "cold". it is not
an idyllic scene. I say I feel
too old, to do any better,
and that this is, in fact, pretty good.
III
The galaxies receding make a sound:
Patter of dog feet on sidewalk-
Miniature mountaineer
A stalk of grass
A new adventure
Futuristic forager
Supplying for
The greater body
Terrific tunnerler
Expanding and growing
The home
Solid solder
Welcomed home
In pride
Quintessential queen
Living in the glory
Of the nest
On a grey day by a grey sea
As the tide flees this steady shore,
Two children —
altogether mindless of Monday
and the grim anguish of their parents,
Greet white-capped waves with ecstasy
And far away, a three-sailed bark,
Poised on the edge of sky and sea
Slips silent into mystery.
Who stands before the mast?
Is it the shadow of the man?
Or does this brim-full heart,
holding his hand,
Chart a sure course by some forgotten star
To bring him home again?
I wrapped myself in a blanket
Full of hateful words
And terrible thoughts
And called it 'home'
I'm in a room
A room so cold
All alone
In the silent dark
Is when the screaming starts
I lplay awake
Tears on my face
Broken glass in my hand
The carpet is stained
Not with pink
Not with yellow
Its scarlet just like the glass
I know my life won't last
For very long
You never loved me
You never will
Why?
Why do I live every day in fear
Why do I fear love
Why do I fear loving someone
Why do I fear getting attached to people
Why do I fear life and not death
I know why
I am numb and afraid of hurting someone
The pain I feel is not "normal" for teenagers
I don't want to be here
On this planet so many call home
I don't want to be in this house I call home
I don't want to be in this vessel I call a body
I just don't
I miss them
I miss them all
I need to let go
I need to be free
But for some reason
I can't
I can't let you go
I can't set myself free
I need to be alone
The thoughts of you trouble me
I love you and I don't know why
In all honesty your thoughts make me cry
I loved you
You where mine
Now I have suicidal thoughts all the time
"I love you Andrew"
Is all I can think
Why can't you love me too?