Twelve.
Waking up from fitful dozing
I heard the yelling and screaming
Of boys bypassing the bus in their bikes
Screaming, “ Happy New Year!”
I look around my fellow passengers –
We have yet a long way to reach home
There wouldn’t be much of a New Year celebration
For us; I love my fellow travelers.
I fall into a reverie, remembering New Years –
Ruefully, I remember those, drunken, partying kinds
That of lying in the middle of a highway at night
That of dizzying hopping from bar to bar
That spent on the top of a hill, shivering in the cold
That by the side of the sea where I would part with my love.
I remember the New Years, lacklustre, spent at home
Crackling cellophane
As the packet opens-
Aroma of tobacco.
Fingers a- trembling, brain a- tickling.
The glowing butt, curling smoke
As the tip touches one’s lips-
Tingle! Deep intake of smoke
Seeps in settling, satiating one’s blood.
Rings dancing in the air
Wafting away into nothingness
Only a fragrance remains-
Then that too, like you, is gone forever.
Was rough
I was teased
I was raped
I was pregnant
I was made fun of
I was left out
I was trouble in school
I was abused by alot of men
I was handcuffed a few times
I was never arrested
I never had any friends
I went to a special needs school
I had fights everyday
I had a miscarriage
I lost alot of loved ones
I had alot going on
Have you seen
Time is going by
Always moving forward
like the arms of a clock
pushing me forward
when I want to go back
I can't take my time
time hunts me
time wants me
time hates me
I want to...
not move on
I want to stay here
make it right
hide from time
and then...
The question dances
On my lips
You tell me
I seem to forget
You have changed
Not for the better
We used to be friends
Who did this to you?
Change is melancholy
You lose people
You didn't want to
But it happened
"Let it go," you say
But I can't..
His name was Tim McKay,
And he seldom had anything to say.
But he came to the club regularly
And listened to all our discussions.
He'd nod his head and smile,
And give us a toothy-giggly grin,
And he always seemed to understand.
Tim has gone on now.
And we all miss him down at the club.
We used to sit and talk to Tim for hours.
love hate
begin from the same
dismay
a breath of solitude
the countries
that fall apart
in a wanton breaking
of pairs
we should fall
further
in the sweet act
of lesion
the fingers loosening
the legs awake
moving
the eyes
can i even begin
now at this time
when the time is gone and past
behind blue line?
after times and eternities
of changing and changes
in between/
and yes you said so too
and worry/
only now i have symbol of life
and of the sea
blue green
mother of pearl
with me/
my grandmother is sorry
and talks of you still
Now sit in the sunken stairwell,
rejoining there.
There is only the real physical cold
for the moment,to gather you there.
It is for every time you knew before,
that this matters.
The plain sun will hold enough
of tomorrow.
But for you,there is no place
to refuge from.
Only the moment is cold enough,
for the warmth to survive in it.
We have lost most of,
Yet all is again for that moment of cold.
When we talk on the
telephone, we feel our
loss more heavily.
i stare at the
slits, the box that
sells her voice to
me.
i hold the phone
like a live thing, like
part of her. it holds
a sound i love.
yet i hate the
upright coffin, its
pimply walls,
the printed admonitions
lining it, for being
Each puff, I wince
As I know what it means:
Someday soon, you'll go.
Each puff, you know,
But you can't help it:
You just have to blow that smoke.
One day, I'll pick up the phone:
It's okay Daddy,
I'll be prepared.
I need you to stop
to stop moving on
to stop reminding me of what I lost
to just stop moving further away
to stop drifting
to stop disappearing from my life
I just need you to stop
to stop leaving me