i'm so tired of fighting alone.
and sometimes,
most of the time,
i just need you to fight this with me too.
-as if he loves me
sorry,
if i ever didnt treat you well.
nowadays,
i'm always blaming myself for whatever happens.
it's always on me.
right now,
if you wanting me to go
i'm already out of energy and confidence,
to fight for this
i may choose to give things up.
maybe,
it is what it is to happen
one day,
you may be able
to find someone
who treat you better
i wonder
if it possible
saying you fall out of love
with someone
when the truth is
they still filled up
every inches of your heart
once,
i told him,
that i like him,
it felt so wrong,
loving someone who has been someone's.
i apologized to him,
i said i'm sorry,
my heart hurts,
i like him too much.
have you ever felt someone was that important to you,
that you woke up at night,
to pray for him.
i think,
that's the most beautiful thing i have ever done,
to someone i love.
but it can be more beautiful,
everyday
i pray that we're right for each other,
i really do.
but now,we drifted apart.
and till now
i try my best to accept
that you're just not right for me,
eventhough it's hard.
you may not know this
but i like you so much
for things that
maybe others didnt like you
for that.
i like you
because of how cute your text was
when we talked about our siblings
your little sister,
my little brother,
i like you for that.
i like you
when you tell me about your past
on how you got those funny scars
how you're just so stubborn those days,
i like you for that.
Pain
having so much to lose
and so little to gain
Caring for her so deeply
And it being in vain
Peace
someone unconditionally caring for you
Who's feelings and dedication never cease
One who gives everything to make you happy
And on that free buffet of his kindness you feast
Torture
Seeing your love with another man
When you're the one for her
Hearing her laugh and seeing her smile
While your eyes water and blur
Joy
I've tried everything to move on since you first broke my heart
From counseling and church
To poetry and art.
Yet still nothing is working no matter how hard I search
For memories like chains bind my soul
And I cannot break free
Without cutting off my hand,
Without forgetting you and me.
I've tried ignoring the chains of the past
And though this seemed to ease my pain
The illusions of freedom would not last
For when you finally came back with a ring of keys
You unlocked my sorrow once again
And left me still chained and on my knees.
Now you've left me once more in this dungeon of depression
And my only escape is through the art of suppression
i recall fearing about when a girl would soon capture you're heart.
so that i couldn't reach it ever again.
it was so difficult to not tell you that.
"should i tell him?"
i constantly asked myself everyday i was dropped back home.
it clouded my head like fog on a street.
just everywhere.
until you spoke to me about it.
and how ,
"that's never going to happen."
"my inner thoughts."
they were darkened.
placed in depression.
although it was my first love,
it made me want to end it all.
just like that.
yet you were so happy,
and i was so sappy.
my broken heart was my company.
it was all i had left,
and you knew it.
because you told me you still loved me.
but when you said it,
i said no.
seeing your face pained me.
it hurt everyday.
seeing you happy with another girl,
made me sick.
the sad part was that you still tried
to make things work with me.
that was the most painful memory.
i told you i would wait,
but that was self-torture.
and i couldn't bare it.
you'll never know my inner thoughts from then on.
"kyleigh"
that was her name.
the girl who captured your heart,
and i didn't know.
the girl who loved you as i did,
which to this day brings tears
to my eyes.
she took you away from me,
i was like an orphan.
abandoned,
and alone.