I survived my mind
When it was tearing from the inside out
The walls were bleeding red
And the screams reverberated
A mix of cacophonous sounds
That run up and down my veins
Leaving behind sharp pains
It's so piercing it nearly kills me
But I'm still alive
Even after death peaked through the window
It hasn't truly gone
There's still a dull ache
A reminder of the pain
But I live on to fight
To find peace
And I'll find it one day
Where the only thing shown is the reflection of what's inside
And my insides show nothing good
Just shows all of the hurt and pain that I feel
And I hate that reflected back in my face
Like a slap
And it hurts every time I see it
I hate mirrors
I try to look for something good
Something positive
But all I see is black
Blackness staring right back at me
Like a soulless abyss
I wonder if I will get devoured there
Why when you love
It sticks and pokes
Prods and chokes
Stripping me bare
My very essence gone
Unrecognizable to me
And leaving me wondering
"Is this how love's supposed to be?"
I've spent most my life
Looking for someone
Always believing
I found them
Only to figure out
I was wrong again
I start asking myself
Is it worth it
Is it worth having
My heartbroken so much
Is it worth losing
Everything I ever cared for
Is it worth feeling all the pain I've felt
I always say
The same things
When I find that single person
Do you blame yourself,
for causing other's pain?
For abandoning them,
only for the benefit of you.
They don't know what it's like,
to feel hurt.
They get mad at you for not talking to them,
saying that you're busy when you're not.
They just don't understand what it's like.
You distance yourself without knowing.
It's hard to live,
when you know others don't want you to.
I don't know how to tell you
I'm broken
without feeling needy.
I don't know how to open up
without feeling judged.
I don't know how to cry
when my tears feel like acid.
I just need you to see that I'm hurting without telling you,
because my words are bleeding out of my mouth,
waiting for you to stitch me up
and make me fine,
although I know that's not your job
and you're better off without me.
I just need you to see me
one last time.
I'm so stressed
And fucking sad
Did I make the right decisions?
Because I ended up feeling bad
I must have made a mistake
I just made things worse
Is this my punishment?
Is this my curse?
Why can't I just swallow the pain?
And burn my organs to ash
Place my feelings on the black market
Pay for some new ones with cash
So many frustrations like chains
Is it wrong to want to forget?
The chains are holding me down
Am I on the right path yet?
Should I prefer the pain of it all?
It seems wrong to want to be in pain, but is feeling nothing at all any better.
It can't be. isolation is in life indolent.
I prefer the pain to the void.
.maybe from the pain i can sow happiness.
i see that you enjoy him
that is more than fine
its good
its amazing
but i still wish it could be me that you enjoy
i still wish that i could be the one to meet your family
i still wish that i could be the one to hold you when you cry
i still wish that i could be the one
i still wish i could be your one
but its more than fine
its good
its amazing
and just as a law sanctioned bullet
no amount of it being fine and good will negate the pain
my wife got me a stick
for pain
for keeping the light
from one’s eyes
for £100
but I cannot tell
how to use it
every dress I see
is blue water
as if I could not keep
my mind off my pain
a new country with no peace
troubling me in the night
old is the day of my fall
into this life
rose I bled for
to have and to press
I promised a story
in one red letter
but this I am
in pain how to do
without a kiss to pierce me
is there no quiet