my heels dig into the dirt
elbow up, eyes ahead
watch her hands
count the wind-up
first, second, third, then home
first, second, third, then home is all i have to go
breathe
play through the pain
run even as her fastball hits you in the gut
and you trip along the bases
and bruise your ribs dodging a tag out
wince and you're benched
fail and you're done
freeze and the crowd of eyes watching will all know what you've been told before
useless
pathetic
emotions ,
sometimes thick and sweet .
rolling down your spine
with joy .
bursting in your mind
with love .
emotions ,
other times cold and bare .
ripping at your heart
with pain .
plaguing your steps (slow and weak )
with sadness .
emotions ,
always there .
holding you down (a puppet )
with dominance.
Was it enough?
To love your heart
Now were apart
Was it enough?
When our love is real
But pretending nothing i feel
Was it enough?
When i said goodbye
And then you cry
Was it enough?
When everything turns dust
But you hold my hand
Was it enough?
When i feel alone
You come along
Was it enough?
I thought I wouldn't get hurt
I thought I'd never shed a tear
I thought it was a perfect mask
To pretend to know no fear.
That smile, I've worn as a mask
That smile, that I can't erase
That smile, that seems so real
Is just a perfect facade.
In one moment it all came back
In one moment it swept me off my feet
In one moment you broke me apart
By you're insensitive words and speech.
With those, emotions flooded me
With those, I'm again writing a poem
With those, I just want to stay here
Here in the corner where I'm alone.
You left me all alone here
You left, and walked away
You left me all alone here
But it's fine
I'm used to pain
It hurts
Some nights,
I can't sleep
They say-
"it's normal"
But do they really know
Or are they,
just guessing?
It's getting worse
For two weeks now
Will it ever stop?
Or will it only get worse?
In the dream
I had reached the railway station.
Now I run through the hallway
Dodging people and baggage
Beggars sprawled on the floor
Asleep.
Slipping, cutting across long queues where
Travelers stood patiently
Tired, shoulders sloping, eyes vacant
Unmindful of the dust, sweat and the sullen children.
Past the metal detector and the indifferent policemen,
Frantic, I look up and down the platform and then
Speed to the stairway over the rails, to the next platform.
Now I pant, I feel pain in my chest, I gasp.
Down the steps, past the vendors of tea, water and snacks
Past the trolleys with sacks of mail.
A sore throat,
A hamstring strain,
A broken nose,
I feel no pain,
An ear infection,
An ankle sprain,
A jammed finger,
I feel no pain,
A stiff back,
A sunburnt face,
A violent cough,
I feel no pain,
My body aches,
Morning, noon and night,
A doctor tells me I’m sick,
I feel no pain,
Is it my face?
Does she cringe when I’m near?
Is it my voice?
A sound she can’t stand to hear?
Is it my humor?
Do my jokes offend?
Is it my body?
Lacking the muscles?
Am I too nice?
Thoughts of my not being genuine?
Am I too honest?
Not ready to hear my thoughts and feelings?
Do I make her feel ashamed?
Do I make her feel inadequate?
Do I make her feel pain?
Do I make her feel stressed?
The harder I gasp
the less I can breathe,
the more I sink in
the more clenched it feels
this source of life put in me,
as if it's right to hurt the way it did.
Will I never learn to not grab the rose by its thorns?
Will I ever just grab the bull by its horns?
May there be a clear sky for those who carry no worries in their hearts,
whilst the storm's ringing in my ears
-a ferocious sound of thunder clashing and lightning smashing-
loud enough only for me to hear;
for me to resist it
with no power left,
letting me fall
down, down.
After so many attempts I still don't feel okay
After so many heartbreaks I still try to piece myself back together.
After so many tears I still pull myself up
After so many days of living in such an exhausting life you just want to disappear.
But you can't.
After I met you, I wanted to try
After I tried I still couldn't be okay
So I tell myself you got this.
I tell myself, pick yourself back up.
Yet my body just lies there.
After 16 years I'm finally done.
Finally done wishing for more from my life.
Finally done saying, after this we'll be okay
After 16 years you've won.
You've broke my spirit universe.
"love yourself"
so easy to say
yet so hard to do.
i wish i loved myself
so it wouldn't hurt as bad,
to not hear you tell me that you love me.
the way I love you.