beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the mirrors always tell lies
our self opinion can't get much colder
Seeing ourselves makes self hate rise
beauty is in the eye of the beholder
so this beholder must be blind
can't see it no matter who's told her
always feeling her light is outshined
It seems when the beholder is you...
you can't see the beauty other see
If only we could see ourselves anew
And see what others see as me
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I hope I find someone.....
That can see mine
What I show you is a positive attitude and a smile
What you don't know is how hard it really is to smile because...
I wear a mask
On the surface there's nothing wrong
Deep down I'm drowning myself in tears as...
I wear a mask
What you see is what I show you:
Someone that can take a joke
Someone who laughs and smiles a lot
Someone with no worries
Someone that knows how to cope...
This is my mask
What I see is very different:
A child that's scared and alone
A child who's hurting and weak
A child thats angry but confused
What do you do when you don't want to be seen?
How do you avoid the on looking eyes?
Have you ever asked why people can be so mean?
Do you notice all the lies?
When all you want to do is cry out or scream
Why do we stop ourselves?
Why can it be so hard to let go?
Why is there nothing that helps?
Why can’t anyone know?
When you want the noise to end
How come it gets louder?
How do you describe your darkest feelings?
Do you ever feel like there's something on your shoulder?
What stops our wounds from healing?
When you don't want to feel broken
How do you hold yourself together?
My dad says I'm brave
For managing to keep going
When the world's against me
I don't feel it
I feel stupid
For put myself in a place where people only judge me
For staying when every inch of my body tells me to run, escape
My mum tells me she proud
Of my positivity and resilience
Of how well I'm coping
She's unaware just how much I'm hiding
She's unaware of how much I want to stop
My sisters say I'm capable
At more than the bare minimum
At more than just being annoying
I don't feel it
You say you can read me like a book
But the once happy story
Is distorted by thick black ink
It doesn't read the same way anymore
The more I read the thicker the ink gets
It seeps into my fingertips
and up my arms
My Head gets so light it's in the clouds
But the ink fills my mouth
I'm drowning!
The ink is flammable,
It burns in my chest yet...
Its colour becomes a comfort to me
immersing myself in it brings no peace...
It isolates me, makes me feel numb, alone, useless
This feeling takes over
... I can only push it down so long
Now I'm breaking down
Tears fall even though I try to stop them
Like holding a lid on a boiling pan
That's trying to boil over
Hands and arns burnt and blistered
But I hold it down
It spits and hisses
It hurt and it makes things worse
But I'm to scared to let go
Not here not yet!
Keep on holding it down
A bubble balloons I'm my chest
I can't breathe, I'm holding my breath
Untill I reach home or see my mum
I finally let go
How do you feel today?
Angry, confused, sad, scared, vacant, weak, empty and so alone
Why do you feel like that?
I wish I knew but I don’t
What do you want to do about it?
Kick, scream and cry out or
Shrink into a corner,
Disappear and cry,
Rock myself slowly,
Lay on my arms,
To hide from those who know me
Close my eyes and make everything go dark,
Cover my ears to get rid of the noise
Surround myself with the ones i love
Does this help?
No, nothing helps
Today I looked in the mirror
And became the girl I used to be
And I miss her
I watched her smile, laugh and play
I remembered the worries she had
That stress that wasn’t stress at all
I realise that now
I envie how free she was
Although she would say otherwise
Her smile is so beautiful it could light up a room
Her laugh sounds like blissful music
There's a joyful light in her eyes
And as she runs through a playground of memories
I drift through them with her
I reach out and touch the mirror
And she turns to me
If they really knew
My true colors
Ignored and often forgotten
Mistreated and even used
They don’t understand
They don’t appreciate
They underestimate
Hidden under my diverse colors
Are beautiful gems
Waiting to be found
It’s quite a shame
They never gave me a chance
We exchange smiles once a week
and that's enough to make me happy
I picture us holding hands
and walking through meadows
I picture us kissing on New Years
and dancing at balls
I write of us cuddling
and sharing memories
but the saddest part of this phenomenon
Is that it is not real
I write of our love story
because in reality we are nothing more than strangers
You try to talk to me
but I refuse to listen.
You try to tell me you don't care anymore
but I block out your words.
You try to tell me it will never work
but I just cover my ears and avoid the hurt.
You tell me you don't love me.
I tell you that I'll be fine.
However in this story,
that was a fatal lie.
I'll never be fine.
I will still have the scars
the bruises
the pain on my sides.
You were my antidepressants.
Now with you gone
I go home to her
The only one left
Chain to the neck
Compelled not to go
Yet forgotten and abandoned
Faithful but disregarded
Just think of it
She's always been there
Yet you think of her as only a reflection