Back to the page
Is what I say
Back with the pain
I gave away to gain
My happiness
Which is starting to fade
So I stay away
From those who come to play
Starting to feel the pain
I cannot run away
Can you save me?
Can you love me?
No...
I'm the one who faded
Now you feel the pain
Until you come my way...
You want me to be lost under the surface
I'm becoming this mistake
Feeling faithless, becoming tired
I've become so aware
You want me to be feeling pressure
Feeling numb
Becoming another mistake to you
You want me to be more like you
I've become so lost under the surfce
Fluorescent lights make everyone look ill,
And all are chained, though these chains can’t be seen.
The hardest work is waiting, waiting till
The stroke of five disarms the time machine.
Each link’s a payment pressing to be made,
Each moment mortgaged till some future moment comes.
Bills and bills and bills wait to be paid,
As — between computers — conversation hums.
Each moment mortgaged till some future moment comes,
More and more paperwork piled softly in the bin.
As — between computers — conversation hums,
Forbidden music mustn’t complicate the din.
More and more paperwork piles softly in the bin,
In cubicles the gods insist must look the same.
Forbidden music mustn’t complicate the din,
I'm sorry my dear love...
I just can't choose a decision...
I'm not ready to uplift your name...
I must let go of our chronicles...
But your fragile ceramic skin...
Just so plain and so breakable...
I can't stand watching you being tormented...
Shattering down all the things you enjoy the most...
But I'm just not inexplicably ready...
Nor sure of my compassionate decisions...
There's one thing that's pulling me away...
Love it is, but so uncertain, so faded to perceive...
I don't want to pick up the shattered pieces I made...
Because it's nearly impossible...
For me to salvage without getting hurt...
It's just so hard to let go...
I'm still bleeding
laying here in all of my mistakes
flowing out all over the place
waiting for regret to stitch the wounds
but even with the seams stitched tightly
there will always be a little sign
something to remind me that nothing ever changes
We can't go back
so don't fuck with a heart
because broken ones have sharp edges
Thinking about
The nights
I could've
Spent thinking
Of a million
Other things
Than you.
I picked up the diamond promise ring you gave me the day before I saw all the damage you've done, I threw the ring out
I threw out the roses too, I held onto the thorns just to feel something, not to feel so damn numb.
Fresh start.
It's been 21 days , 5 hours and 30 minutes since we last spoke. last night I woke up from a dream about the "fresh start" we always talked about having .
Woke up to the sounds of the broken sink.
Then I remembered how your gone and how I need to have a fresh start my myself and I need to remind myself I don't need you.
I should remind myself not to count the days you've been gone either
I tried having a coffee and taking a long bath to drown my thoughts away although I end up over thinking anyways .
We were perfect.
Really, we were.
Almost every hour, minute, second, I was yours.
It all felt unreal, like a tale.
You were mine.
I was yours.
We were perfect lovers.
Yet we fell apart.
even if i don't do anything for the entire day, i get tired
thinking about stuff makes me tired
when it's night, i can't get a wink of sleep
it's kinda like falling into an endless hole
just you falling into the abyss
nothing to do
nowhere to go
not even a bed to think about life on
life's an empty hole.
Why is it that every time I try to help
I hurt you
Every time I try to please
I enrage you
I’m bad luck
How can you love me?
I’d do anything for you
But everything I do has the opposite effect
How can you look upon me with lust?
I do cruel things to your love
I say I’m sorry for doing these things to you
Why don’t you punish me
Throw me away
I don’t deserve you
But all you say is sorry
Sorry for making you feel like you have to apologize
The day my life fell apart
Nothing stopped
The sky was still blue
The birds still sang
People still smiled
People still loved
The only thing that stopped was me
Everything rushed on ahead
As my screams filled the night
I laughed to kill the pain
But the pain still came
No one can hear
The cries of the lost
So I screamed in the silence
Just to hear myself
But I couldn’t hear