Every night I dream
Of the life I wish I led
The perfect body
The awesome friends
The understanding family
And that I met the grades
The perfect life
The perfect house
The perfect world
But even in that world
I feel absurd
Yet still I cry
I cry asking why
Why can’t I have the life I want?
Yet I can never find the answer I seek
So I live the life of my dreams
It’s hard for me to love myself
When you don’t love me
Every time I get a bit big
I realize I’m just the same as I was
I’m never gonna change
I can’t change
But you just go on living
Be the person I want to be
Take my life for your own
It only makes sense I guess
The perfect one shall live
The messed up one dies
The better for the worse
They may seem like they enjoy my company
Talk to me like I mean something to them
But every chance they get they run away and leave me
They only stay around so that I won’t get upset
And make them feel guilty
They’re like dogs on leashes
And I’m the only thing holding them back
But I guess that’s easy to understand
To much it seems I have to live up to
I can’t keep up in the long run
I lag behind waiting
Waiting for something that will never come
For me to be happy
Because I am the third wheel friend
Goodbye to you
I should have known you’d never come back
You picked me up from the burning flames
Yet you dropped me when I became boring
I tried to please you
Yet you frowned at all my jokes
You thought you were doing what was best for both of us
Yet what you do always has the opposite effect
I suffer without your shadow
Now I’m just a distant memory to you
You’re the only one to understand me
You read me like a book
Accepted all of me
Yet you still left
You made me feel everything at once
Now all I feel is absurd
I remember when I stopped feeling positive emotions, the day when I stopped feeling emotions at all.
I remember the day I stopped trusting in others, only to be hurt in the end.
I remember the day that the doctors diagnosed me with sever depression at a very young age.
I remember the first time I almost committed suicide.
I remember the first cut.
I remember my last smile.
I remember my last laugh.
I remember the last feeling of hope.
I Remember my Painful Past.
everyday it feels like you're slipping away.
slowly but surely.
i can feel you disappearing between memories,
bits and pieces once there but now gone.
where have you gone?
or is it me?
where have i gone?
traces of your touch slowly melt from my skin,
the sound of your voice; now a whisper on the horizon.
come home to me.
i promise i'll keep you safe,
and never let go again.
Someone once asked me,
"What would you do if they were gone?"
My answer is simple.
There will come a day where they are taken away from me.
There will come a day where I stop worshipping at their feet.
There will come a day when they no longer do what they do.
There will come a day, when there are no more
'i love you's'
And there might also me a day where they are taken away from me too soon.
Not purposely, but maybe tragically.
And in those days,
The sun will no longer radiate warmth,
My head; a mass of black matter.
Words aren't words they're white noise.
Songs aren't songs they're eulogies.
Photos aren't photos they're the ghost of what i once used to have.
"Some people don't know what they have until it's gone."
But what about the ones who do know?
The ones who never took a damn thing for granted?
Who tried their hardest to hold on, yet could only look helplessly while they lost the thing they loved the most?
"Isn't it so much worse for them?"
Alive. Living. Breathing. Feeling.
Time. Passing. Ageing. Dreading.
Endless thoughts as a chill wind passes by
Sending shivers down his worn out spine
Reds, oranges, and yellows spread throughout village
The scenery, a testament to time and its passage
Frail leaves fall from trees once abundant with greenery
The colors of autumn behold a beautiful yet passing scenery
The boy of summer heat now stands in the autumn cold
No longer a boy but a man slowly growing old
Time has robbed him of his vigor and youth
Now only waiting for the inevitable truth
They start running,
my arm is too short,
their legs too fast.
I scream,
until my throat hurts.
I cry,
until my eyes burn.
They disappear on the horizon
and i stop to try.
Try to reach and grab,
hold on and follow,
because i understand,
that whilst they reach
and complete dreams,
i'll always fall back,
left hollow inside
I let it all go,
thoughts, hopes, dreams,
lies, memories.
I let it all melt together
into a river
Oh, fierce river
I let it take you,
him, her, them too,
let it embrace all feelings at once,
let it flow
It takes the words
from my mouth
no need write
naught down.
Oh fierce river,
take me with you
Your hand held mine,
and as much as i tried not to cry,
i still did.
I still did because i couldn't hold the knot in my throat anymore,
because your face reminded me,
that i'll be gone and you alone,
and because i knew that i wouldn't be able to sleep ever again, anymore.
I wouldnt be able to feel the suns heat, the snows freezing cold or the salty, sandy sea
ever again, anymore.
I wouldnt be able to smell your flowery perfume, to see your reassuring smile nor to fall into your welcoming warm arms,
ever again, anymore.
The beeping of the healing machines faded slowly,
as pain cleared off,
and peace came up,
as a once cold, white room,
darkened into empty black Oblivion.