A vortex of untethered thoughts,
hungrily feeding me truths that are false,
incoherently swarming and swirling,
polluting with undeniable force.
Emotions take hold that aren't mine,
pulling me further through pockets of time,
dragging me into the darkness of grief and despair,
leaving all semblance of light far behind.
I was afraid of the dark, now I fear for the light,
too consumed by the darkness, I forgot how to fight,
so I let it take hold and I feel myself fall
and allow the sweet pain to rock me good night.
Everything is falling apart
School is falling apart because I can't focus
My view of the world is falling apart because I found out my life was a lie
My sister is falling apart with her depression
My Dad is falling apart with his
My mom might fall apart from the strain of it all
I am falling apart because I can't juggle all of this
I'm going to go back to my own little world,
The one where no one ever cared about this stupid girl.
The one where I never knew how much it hurt to lose a friend,
The world where I never thought about my end.
The world that has no past or future to worry for,
In this world only the present has a score.
This world consists of only the millisecond in which I am living,
It consists in my realizing that I will never receive but will always be giving.
while you rest,
i lie here restless.
while you dream,
i become dreamless.
while you have hope,
i became hopeless.
you smile joy,
i smile depression.
you believe "i'm fine",
i take my last breath.
you'll wake up crying,
when i was crying.
you'll take your final breath and
realize im more important than life.
one day
they'll stop loving.
one day
they'll stop talking.
one day
they'll stop looking
one day
they'll learn
that forever isn't always
they'll become strangers
by the age of 27
they'll move one
but never forget
their love that remains.
Take me for granted all you want.
I am nothing
but a small little plant,
everyday hoping for water to come to me,
for me to grow and be beautiful.
I am beautiful now
but watch me,
as you forget to water me,
I become less colorful,
Less attractive, less useful and needed.
I will be forgotten and become withered.
The sad part is,
you don't attempt to bring me back.
You throw me away
like everyone else has before.
I will ruin you.
Not with small words.
Not with the loving looks.
I will ruin you
With my long words
And my broken looks.
You will begin to question
How did it ever start to become this?
I will ruin you
Not with little things
Not with great memories
I will ruin you
With the greatest things
With my worst memories.
You will begin to question
Can my own heart take it anymore?
I fell in love with someone. They seemed to love me, too.
But somehow, in the midst of my blind heart, I saw they were nothing but trash.
Garbage.
Disgusting.
And then...
I let them know. And I saw...you.
As if you would ever like me that way. You're still not over that girl who moved far off, to a different continent.
Unless you get over her like I've gotten over my heartache, I would be your rebound.
You wouldn't care for me as I would care for you. I would be a distraction.
I don't want to be a distraction. I want to be your everything.
I can't do that if you love someone else.
I stay awake at night
Waiting to fall asleep
Because all I can think of
Is him.
He's in my head
He's on my mind
He won't go away.
I won't try to pretend
That he likes me like I love him.
That's never been
The way it was.
His eyes are staring at someone else
His body is facing in her direction
Even his hair is waving at her.
She is not me.
She is someone so much better
Without his eyes
beneath his smile
into his soul
above his heart
in his hands
over his ears
save that memory
despite the past
save that memory
despite the past
in his eyes
under his smile
away from his soul
outside of his heart
against his hands
into his ears
I drew you flowers
But all you did was pick then
I fear one night you'll wake up
Missing me
And it will be far
Too late