How much will make it end?
How much would do the trick?
It's a thought that's always there.
It's a thought that keeps me at peace.
How would it be if I was gone?
Because I'm done.
It's like a heavy weight
Can't move
Don't want to
Lots of regret I can't express
We were there one moment
Happy and in love
And the next
We weren’t us anymore
We still talked and laughed
We still joked around
Talked about stupid things
But we weren’t us
We were still so madly in love with each other
But we weren’t us
Distance has a way of taking something so beautiful and turning it so ugly
It can take a fresh rose and wither it in front of your eyes
Uncertainty can take a sunny day and turn it into a thunderstorm
They go together like sisters
One never without the other
You try to numb yourself to it
You once told me you were too young
I pushed anyway
You caved
You left
Today he told me he was too young and I realized something
It's not age that means you're too young
It's because you think you'll change your mind
It's because you don't think I'm all you'll ever want and more
It's because deep down
You know
I'm not the one made for you
And I don't blame you for leaving
I don't, really
You were just too young
I am a silhouette
Not of a beautiful woman in a dimly lit room
But rather of the mountains against the slowly rising sun
Breathtaking at first, but always there
Slowly you lose interest and eventually find yourself not looking at them at all
But still here I remain
If I were a silhouette of a beautiful woman in a dimly lit room
Maybe I could hold your attention for long than two minutes
Maybe you would intertwine yourself with me so that we would become one instead of two
Just arms and legs wrapped around each other
Maybe I could prove that I am worthy of your affection
That I could still fit in
But I am just a puzzle piece that doesn't belong here for my home is in another box
At first its little things, like taking longer to eat or shower
Then you notice that his commute home is taking 20 more minutes than it used to
He’s calling you later and later
He’s staying away from you longer and longer
And when you do talk, you don’t really talk
You just sit there in awkward silences
It used to be that if you even acted slightly different he knew and asked you what was wrong
He didn’t let you get away with “Nothing” or “It doesn’t matter”
But, now
If you’re lucky enough that he does ask, he doesn’t seem interested
He seems distant and bored
He says it’s just the stress wearing him down, but you always used to be the thing that helped him through the stress
Do you think I like being like this?
Do you think I enjoy having no control over my emotions?
That every emotion I feel is dependent on outside influences, especially you?
Do you think I like being so dependant on you that the thought of you leaving tears me apart and sends me into a panic?
Do you think I like being angry over the smallest thing?
That I like when the anger is so large and so consuming its like a raging wildfire and I am just dandelion?
Do you think I like zoning out? Never remembering what people say?
Do you think I like living in my own personal hell?
Because I don't
Today I saw it,
The angel from my nightmare.
I have lost myself.
Beneath the skin
It feels like
The flowers has wilted
The sweet dreams turned into nightmares
The scars started bleeding
The scream is carried by the wind
The heart has lost it's rhythm
Yet beneath the skin
There's something beautiful
Hoping for tomorrow's sunshine
The waves of sorrow live within
for my heart is the ocean
where everyday something
grows and collapses
for this is what it meant to be
it meant to be lonely, terrifyingly and unfair
but don't worry
this was just how the waves flow
inside me
and I'm happier in this
There are some faces
Wearing the same smile
Walking under the same blue sky
Waiting for their own sunshine
But those faces
Have been lost in your memories to dust
For you made memories
Once you were together
And had to leave
Without saying a goodbye
There was this sinking feeling
Planted inside me
Where it everyday grows
And stab me with it's painful thorns
Leaving me scattered
As a piece of fragile paper