I am no good.
No good at everything.
Can't lay in bed all day even with depression.
Can't fullfill my eating disorder to a point where I need to be hospitalized even though I want to.
Because I want to be seen. So instead I cut, cause maybe people will care when they see how bad it is going.
But I am no good at cutting either...
So maybe I need to go to sleep and never wake up again. Maybe that is wat I am good at. And maybe people will finally see the broken me that is hidden behind my always smiling face.
But I know for sure that even if it is a case of life and death, I am no good at it...
Will I ever be good enough??
It started that morning,
When he awoke from the dream.
All his sorrows were seeds.
His town, a fallow field.
Inside his head, it was spring.
Time to plant, the voice hissed.
Mother stood in his way, trying to stop
What he knew must be done.
Time to prune, he thought.
Tools in hand,
He found the place
Where the children were.
The voice roared.
The pulse pounded in his ear.
He would not fail.
It rained
Trapped in between.
Leave or stay.
Leave,
your heart will be broke.
Stay,
my heart will be broke.
I seek with heart and soul
For a shiver of love
To run its bony claws
along my broken spine
my hand reaches
for that shining flame
and my fingers graze
its blazing core
yet I am unable to grasp it
I only burn my fingers
" A hand on your heart
you feel the beat
sometimes slow
sometimes fast
you know because of the sound,
that you are alive
though you are not living
One summer you had the chance to be happy
you could've been you
but you forgot and desired
now you is gone
now only you remain
but I'm hurt too
because you left me
and I miss you despite my efforts
I wonder why
I take your hand in mine
And whisper the language of love to you
my friend
You look at your hand in mine
And listen to the fluid language I speak
But shake your head
“My friend,
I do not speak that language”
I walk through life
With your shadow casting beside me
I wished that neither I spoke the language of love
But I do. And you don’t
My thoughts filter through the noise of the train
My hand whispers along the railing
On the other side
You wave at me and smile
People sometimes ask me
Why I walk alone on the playground
By myself
I tell them that I'm bored
And usually they scoff at me and walk away
That hurts a little.
I'm cold, all the time
Truth is that I miss him with every fiber in my being
I love him
And he doesn't love me.
They often stare at me
And laugh at me
Based on what I'm wearing that day
Sometimes they whisper behind my back
And say secrets that I never wanted anyone to know
I never knew
Funny how that works
I do so much work into trying to get you to notice
I curl my hair
Clear up my skin
Put on slightly tinted lip balm
Hoping you'll stare at my lips.
But no
My efforts are useless
You'll always be with her
She has blue eyes
Long blonde hair
Skinny waist.
I was a fool to think you'd like me.
I'm just that annoying background character
While your the hero.
I'm the person who gets chosen last
Than before
Much more fragile
When you closed the door.
And left me here
In this huge garden
All alone and afraid
Like you always do.
Much more fragile
When you closed the door
Much more fragile
After you left.
I really love him
He's perfect
He makes me feel happy on the inside
He doesn't really talk to me much
I don't really know why....
Am I annoying?
Am I too stupid?
Am I ugly?
I'm afraid of him sometimes though....
Like he's going to hurt me.
He said that I was "ratchet" the other day
I really felt like crying
But I chose not to.
He hates how I look
My jeans are too tight apparently
My jacket is dirty
There once was a boy
Who had an admiration for another boy
That admiration soon changed into true love
This boy,
He thought
Is perfect in every way
He has brown luscious curls
Deep blue and green eyes
And a voice so smooth and low
He makes me want to kiss him
But this boy
The one whom he loved very much so
Didn't love him
In fact he didn't like him at all
And when this other boy
The one who liked him
I used to love him
So very much
He was the one who hung my moon and stars
He was the one who made me feel happy
Like I meant something
But now I know
His true intentions
I was just a test to him
And I failed