When he left I didn't cry.
Even though I loved him,
I never shed a tear.
I might later but for now I'm in a state of shock,
I feel an ache in my heart but I still don't have any tears.
My eyes are getting blurry,
the page is getting wet.
Oh, hello tears.
I'm surprised we met.
The night we met you sang you loved me
yet you magpied the brightest parts of my smile and the twinkle in my eye
left locked out tapping on windows and
cramming love letters carved from chunks of me through your letter box
hoping you might take them , accept them
hoping you might unlock the door
hoping you might unlock the window
hoping you might unlock the cat flap ,
That's warped from the countless times I've had to suck and squeeze my way through
just to get to you , for you to label me a bitch
when I try leave you command my return ,
tossing cat treats of affections ,
staved ribs showing , i turn again and return as before
licking , love ? of the floor ,
swallowing all the dirt that comes with it
Balanced upon a tree branch,
sways a single petal,
clinging to the centre of its flower,
the wind kisses its skin,
carrying its scent in the breeze ,
goodbye flower;
the wind gently but firmly tugs ,
the petal loosens its grip ,
moving through the air in utter nothingness surrounded by everything,
irregular rays of light peak though a small canopy of leaves ,
sunbeams get dabbles on its cheek ,
slowly floating closer to the ground ,
goodbye flower;
the fall lasts forever and is quickly over ,
surrendering to the earth ,
it lays sprawled out on the floor ,
The morning rain spits on the concrete floor
Leaving the floor slippery
Left so slippery , I fell
While reaching for raindrops , I fell
The ground distanced itself from my feet
Gravity forces my head down
I Kiss the rain , grit and dirt
My nose giving into the pressure
Handing its blood to who broke it
No further fight needed to hand it over
By the afternoon
I had wrapped my knee in a plaster with
A blue butterfly bow .
A painful present to be unwrapped later
Even though it's the afternoon
I'm still in the floor
i was happy...once
but he had to ruin it
i was just a care free kid...
before he grabbed me
i was a virgin
before he took it greedly
no one wants a damaged good
he made sure of that
no one will love me
he guarenteed that
all i can do now..
is cut and hope...
that with the blood
the stain will disappear
and i will no longer be
stained
Static, rings through my ears
Louder…and louder
I hear it slowly ending my life
A reminder of his absence
and of the quietness
life is without him
Together we were
only moments ago
Now we find ourselves
forever apart
Never again
Will I see him,
Alive
And breathing?
I miss him..
In a painful slowness
The heel of my black,wedge shoe
connects with rough gravel.
Rocks crunch under my feet
as I make my way up the drive.
Growing closer soft murmurs begin to rise.
a soft whimper escapes those who were close.
Matted clouds block the shining sun
as the musty scent of rain begins to form.
What I thought was rain trickling down my face,
was a tear spilling over,
Saying my last goodbye.
It's always 'Why aren't you studying?',
Or 'Who are you texting?'.
Is that all you can say?
You could try 'Are you okay?',
Or 'How are you?',
Tell me how you'd feel if you were in my shoe.
Depression doesn't matter as long as my grades are high,
And if they aren't, well, wish the phone goodbye.
New day same lecture,
Sometimes I feel like a complete failure.
Or should I say a dissapointment,
Since I don't quite fit the daughter requirement.
Forcing me to be the child you want me to be,
This really isn't helping with my anxiety.
I'm already afraid of the future,
More importantly I hope things get better sooner or later.
Could you please be a bit more mature,
For an adult, about who you are you're quite unsure.
I need you to be my rock,
Because adulthood is right around the block.
I wish I could depend on you,
I wish you could come through.
Yet I'm the one who gives you all the comfort I'm the one who has to calm you down at night,
Your every fear and insecurity I have to fight.
You tell everyone about the tragedy of your daughter for what sympathy?
And then I have to deal with your neverending toxicity.
I'm never enough always doing something wrong,
Your list of complaints about me goes on and on.
Shouldn't you love me the way I am,
Shouldn't you be the one keeping me calm?
I look at my self with disgust,
My fragile self-esteem crushed,
Unable to stand the sight of my body,
Oh how I wish I could look at myself more fondly.
I hate the way I feel in it,
Never a moment of pleasure with it's appearance,
I wish I could look in the mirror and smile, just once.
I wonder why I couldn't look like mom,
She rocks everything even a bob,
Meanwhile I can't even look good as a clown.
Long, short, tight or free,
Nothing seems to look good on me.
Even my insides feel wrong,
I wonder how long this pain will go on.
From health issues to body dysphoria,
Not a moment of euphoria.
How could I be content?
I chased you,
I caught you.
Once I had you,
I left.
Do you regret the time we spent?
You were soft,
tender.
My fire grew,
I burnt you up,
Until there was nothing left I loved.
I don’t need this (Stop it)
Your hurtful words full in my stomach (It’s aching)
Held down by my responses (I swallowed)
Plugging my ears to get away from my heart (Its pounding)
Screaming as no words come out (I’m silent)
Tearless crying (I’m empty)
Asking for help (My reflection)
As I wake up and do it again (I’m dying)