He said he loved me
He really didn't.
He lied, he poked, he punched and hurt me.
He hates me.
I love him
But he doesn't love me.
It's funny how I can care so much about a person
Who wouldn't care if I fell off the face of the earth
They say this kind of love is wrong
That it's bad.
And maybe it is
Hopefully things will change
Hopefully he'll be right there for me
Maybe even love
But certainly not now
These flowers upon my head
Represent all the important things never said
All the things that should've changed
But didn't
I've never done anything to them,
I don't think.
I've never said bad things about them behind they're back
Or whispered secrets when they weren't around
I've never done any of that.
Why do they hate me?
Sometimes I miss having him around,
Feeling his warmth,
His voice,
His mind,
And his soul.
He made me happy,
I felt like no one could hurt me.
But now,
Since he's gone,
I don't know what to feel now,
I'm lost in an eternal garden of sadness,
And he's not here to lead the way out.
But now I'm not even sure if I actually miss him,
The only thing I miss now is the memories we shared
They say I'm too weak
Too broken
Too different
To be strong.
And even though that's all true
I'm fragile
I'm weak
And not many people care
They're just either curious
Or want to hurt me.
I've given up on love
Nothing works
All they ever do is hurt me
Like I'm they're prey
I don't want to hurt anyone
I just want to make them happy.
Sometimes I wonder
"How could anyone love me?"
With all my flaws
And quirks.
How could I even let someone love me
When I couldn't even love myself?
Please let me go
From this hell
The chains are cold and cruel
They hurt
I can't feel anything anymore
I'm lost
And I'm not really here.
I'm somewhere else
I don't know where
Or how I got here
It's just that they told me I can't leave
It's a one way ticket
A ticket to all of my nightmares
So a new kid came in class today
He was really nice
And funny
And like able
And handsome.
Everyone says that he's like a better version of me
Slightly shorter
Funnier
More athletic
Nicer
Happier
Actually attractive.
This made me feel like I am some sort of defected clone.
Ugly
Mess-up
I guess I'm a mistake then
Sometimes people ask me,
Why I talk to myself so much,
I tell them that I have imaginary friends,
Often, they'll look at me weird and walk away,
But they never ask me the reason why I have imaginary friends,
The reason I have imaginary friends is because sometimes real people are mean,
They don't appreciate me for who I am,
So I have imaginary friends,
They don't judge me,
They don't make fun of me,
They're nice to me,
That is why I have imaginary friends,
Because real friends,
Are mean
You are my future
My everything
My heartache,
Heartbreak.
My flaws
And my imperfections
You are my past
Present
And my future
My thoughts
My mistakes
My reality
My wants
My needs
My everything
You are my world
Days passed like a common cold
Seasons changed,
But in it all, time stood still.
That moment when our eyes first met,
When our hands touched
When our voices became one
When our lips first touched
When our bodies became one.
When our lives use to be one!
Months passed,
Leaves on the trees began loosing there color.
Every shade began to darken
Years passed,
Everything has lost its color.
No more sunshine,
No more rain fall,
One moment its hugs and kisses
The next its silence and cold hard looks.
Wrapped in your arms one second
Pushing me away the next minute.
Making love one day
Next day silence and distance.
Hours later, back to hugs and kisses
Seconds after, pulling away from my embrace.
Sleeping in the same bed
But you turn and pull away from me.
Stare into my eyes
But you do not recognize me.
Kiss me
Feel me
Hold me
But still you do not see me